Thursday, 24 June 2010


Aside from sleeping, dreaming, and submerging myself to music, writing is one of my sweet and favourite escape. I love the fact that I am alone with my thoughts when I write. I am not actually at peace with myself when I do, but I get in touch with who I am and I think that is what’s important.

When I write, I pour out almost everything inside me. It’s like sharing my whole being to the world, especially because of the fact that I post them on blogging sites. I get to share my thoughts and feelings to everybody regardless of the fact that I dunno if somebody is listening or reading any of them. I feel free and liberated. And take note that I don’t always feel this way when I do other things. Writing gives me a sense of relief because whatever burden I carry is manifested on paper/virtually. I just let everything flow and then I become lighter. I make whatever that needs escaping fly out of my system.

I can’t say I am good at writing, even if I really want to believe that I am. I just love to write and express myself as subtle as I can. I don’t particularly have any writing style; I write out of consciousness. Maybe this is the reason why I believe I haven’t been possessed (haha!) yet by anything when I write. As if something’s taking over your body that you can’t actually say why you’re writing the things you write. That kind of stuff. I write what I think, what I feel. I control whatever goes out from my hands when I write or type the words. However, being taken over while writing is what I really want to experience. I am not saying another entity could take over your body literally okay. It will still be you. Only, your unconscious or subconscious mind’s working. Something like that. I want to be ultimately, insanely passionate about writing to the point that I wouldn’t have absolute control over what I write. Something like that. Argh. I'm struggling with myself here. See!

Writing is passion. And I really want to call myself a writer someday. I wanna own a book that I wrote myself. I want to be published. I hope that as soon as possible, I would be able to, but I can’t force myself especially when inspiration’s out of hand. I am not inspired; hence, I cannot start on a good storyline. And I am not sure you can look for inspiration. I believe it just naturally, unexpectedly comes to you. As of now, all I know what to write about is myself. And I am not really that interesting. Haha!

I want people to read me though, because that is when they would be able to understand. I know reading is not cool for most people nowadays but it is crucial to have knowledge about something... about someone... and over somebody.

To be able to write means having some sense of power.
A sense of power that no one can really take off you.
And I am into that power that I couldn’t stop. Really, could you?

Wednesday, 23 June 2010

Inn Laugh

Before anything else, my style in writing is stream-of-consciousness writing.
Yeah. If there’s such a thing. :D:D It’s when you just write whatever pops out of your mind. I know you know about it. Whoever you are. :D That’s why some posts may turn out weird, out of grammar, circular, or whatever. You decide.

So. This just hit me now. Well, I dunno how to say this but this isn’t really serious or important or whatever. And it won’t matter to anyone, really. It’s just that I realized I haven’t said I like a person unless s/he said it first. I think it’s cool if a girl can say aloud whatever she feels towards any person. It shows confidence and that you’re willing to take a risk. And that’s cool.

I can’t say exactly why I haven’t said “I like you” first. Nah. I know why. Lol. I'm scared of being rejected. Really. I know if you’re so into that person, you should be able to say it without waiting for that person to say it first, right. It just doesn’t work for me.

Or maybe. Never pa ko nagkaron ng super like na hindi sinabing s/he likes me already. Tipong lagi sila nauuna magconfess. Yiee, confess. And that’s when I fall. Yeah? Haha. Idk. Most of the time? I haven’t thought about it yet. And I can’t really think about it now. I'm kinda sleepy na. *wink.wink*

Maybe the reason why this came out of my head now is that. Is that... Well, maybe it’s because there’s this guy... And I dunno if I like him na. And it’s stupid. Like, do I really have to think about it? Can’t I just feel it with all my feelingness and tell him that I like him nga. Oops. I’m not confirming anything yet ha. Haha. I'm not sure pa nga eh. And it seems like I don’t wanna entertain the idea and make the feeling more true. And why now? NOW? I dunno. Things are more complicated now eh >.<

And. Unless this continues for a few weeks pa, it’s just a phase. It might turn out that I don’t really like this guy and I am just into the idea. Huhh? Whatever. I know. I’m telling you. I am vague.

Tuesday, 22 June 2010

June22.2010 * 0652pm

After thirty-six entries in the Live Journal community, I decided to move my ass to this site. I have no particular reason; I just wanna change something in my life, like wala pang nagbago sa buhay ko recently nuh. Actually many things have changed. And I was overwhelmed to point of bleeding everything out. Geez. I don’t want this new site of mine to sound very emo like the previous one. I promise I’ll try. Hahaha. That’s hard. Really. Especially if most of my realizations, rants, whines, etc. Are based on melancholic thoughts and feelings. Whatever. I don’t feel like I'm making sense here. Whew. So much for my first official entry. Tsktsk.


So. Nothing happened much today. Aside from all the flashbacks that took over my mind, the rest of my day was spent sitting in front of the computer at home and in the IC.