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Monday, 30 August 2010

Blazer


Current favorite Kristen Stewart outfit Ü I know she's handsome, yeaah. ♥

Wednesday, 25 August 2010

Twilighting

According to the movie I watched last week, “twilighting” is when you think of your past, someone who was special, life in general, or all of the above. The way I understood it, it kinda means contemplating or reflecting about yourself and the life you’re living. Haha. Yeah… Something like that.

I don’t really intend to think about someone who was special. It’s just that lately, whenever I was walking with someone, I miss those times when we walk side by side and you were holding my nape. That used to tickle me, but I was comfortable when you were doing it. I felt so secure. So carefree. So special.

So, anyway. I don’t wanna miss you more so I would stop talking about our past, like, now. It’s nonsense. Ok.

****

My photos reveal something of me… Like duh. Of course it should. But wait. What I mean is that they reveal something beyond the physical aspects of me. (Yeah, I’m trying to be deep here.) So. I dunno what exactly but it has something to do with what’s inside me. Something that I didn’t know was there when the photos were being taken. Now that I was able to see the photos in front of me, I instantly knew what was wrong.

And I won’t tell anyone.

****

Kanina when I was at a photo shop at SC to make paPrint of something for the dorm manager of IC, the one working there kind of made my eyebrow twitch. He was eating some bread so he asked me to wait a minute. Good thing the other staff offered to print it instead. Idk. It’s nothing, really. I am somewhat used to waiting for other people to do something for me nman eh. Kaya lang, hello kuya customer po kasi ako. Having a kind face doesn’t mean I wouldn’t be pissed off. I was really tired and all I wanted to do was lie down. If I weren’t tired, I would just shake it off, and then the whole situation wouldn’t even be mentioned here. It’s just that I reminded myself to put it here. So. There. If I were a total bitch, I would have had answered that kuya and pulled off a bitch face. I dunno. I was so restless. I was so fucked up. Whatever.

****

I really wanna talk about something else. Something more important than anything that’s already written here. Kaya lang it’s not yet safe to talk about it. And I really don’t know if that time will come. I am so.

Sick. And tired.

****

So yesterday, or was it early this morning? Whatev. Ava asked me why I don’t put here the daily happenings of my life. Uhm. I told her I am uninspired. And there was really nothing exciting about my everyday life that I can put here. Haha. Just saying.

****

I’m so sad. I dunno what to do with my life.

Friday, 20 August 2010

Suzie’s Side




You woke up one morning and suddenly hated everything. The moment you opened your eyes, you instantly wished you were dead. You dragged yourself from the bed and then looked at yourself in the mirror. You just stood there and stared at your eyes. Dead. Empty. Hollow. Blank. You didn’t dare to smile the way you used to. You just walked away; walked away from the truth that you don’t wanna see. Ever. The truth that you can’t bear to acknowledge.

The phone rang but you just didn’t care enough to pick it up. The one who was calling couldn’t be that important anyway. You sat at your favourite chair overlooking the window. The sun was about to set, but for you, the day was just starting. But were you about to start it… or end it?

You were so alone and no one cared. You were so sad but nobody noticed. The few moments that you were happy, no one was there. You had fun all by yourself. You wondered how you could be so alone in a crowded place or in an over-populated city. Things felt surreal. Everything seemed like a dream. You had to wake up. And to be able to do that, you had to kill yourself in this dream.


(I dunno how to end this.)

* The photo is from the movie The Virgin Suicides.*

I Said "I don't know" Ten Times

You never know a good thing ‘til it’s gone. Or when you’re starting to lose it. Trust me. I know what I’m talking about. I dunno exactly how many times I let something good slip out of my hands. And it’s not like I don’t really want it. I’m just thinking that whatever good thing that lurks in my life, almost always, it takes something in return. And I can’t really give anything yet. Or I think I can’t. Idk. At least not for the time being.

Of course I appreciate everything I have. Or the things I think I have. Appreciate. I restrict myself on holding onto them too long because of the fact that everything is temporary. And I’m just scared of losing something that I had so close to my heart. That’s why before I get really stuck on something, like an object, a situation, or even a person, I kind of make myself withdraw little by little. Idk. I just don’t like giving false hopes. Especially because I often get misunderstood due to the mixed signals I give unintentionally. I am not sure of what I want yet. I can’t explain myself properly because even I don’t understand what I’m feeling. Idk what I want. Not yet. Not now that I’m screwed. Screwed out of my wits. And I’m not used to people fixing anything for me. Idk. It seems like I don’t wanna get out of my comfort zone again. Not yet. I’m fine with how things are going. Boring. But reassuring. Idk. I don’t like it. But I don’t think I am ready to take some risk again. And I can’t make things wait. Because that would be selfish.

I could be selfish sometimes, though. Sometimes, I feel like I want all the attention to myself. And then I’ll start to realize that it’s wrong. Then I feel sad. Because I want everything but I could never have them all. I know. It’s depressing. It’s just that I don’t really know what I really really want yet, that’s why I seem to want everything at the same time. Which is really sad. And mean. Idk. It’s like I don’t really know what would make me happy that’s why I try everything that promise me happiness. Something like that. Idk. Shdjshfeiuhdfjsnciuewndsucmrvnseidnwixc.

****

I love writing down my thoughts on paper because when I do so I know I would never be interrupted. I could say everything I want without being stopped. I don’t care if people don’t actually read what I write. What’s important for me is that I get to let it out of my mind, my soul, and my system. That’s when I know I could achieve some sense of peace with myself. I think.

Thursday, 19 August 2010

Missed

I imagine the feelings of two people meeting again after many years. In the past they spent some time together, and therefore they think they are linked by the same experience, the same recollections. The same recollections? That’s where the misunderstanding starts: they don’t have the same recollections; each of them retains two or three small scenes from the past, but each has his own; their recollections are not similar; they don’t intersect; and even in terms of quantity they are not comparable: one person remembers the other more than he is remembered; first because memory capacity varies among individuals, but also (this is more painful to admit) because they don’t hold the same importance for each other.
–IGNORANCE, Milan Kundera

Paramore: Ignorance is your new bestfriend.

****

It feels like forever since I last wrote anything and then posted it on this page. Idk. Everything just feels so distant now. I miss my friends. I miss doing the things I love. And most importantly, I miss who I used to be. I hate the fact that life goes on but I feel like I’m left here, doing nothing but crap. Or something else. Something not important. At least not important to other people. Whatever.

I miss the mountains. I miss climbing mountains. I miss hiking with my friends, exHousemates, orgMates, and schlmates. Hehe. I’m not sure what I especially like about mountain climbing. It’s very tiring. It makes you all sweaty. It makes you thirsty. It can numb your leg. But it makes you feel so in touch with nature. It offers some sort of detachment that feels so natural. It makes you feel closer to who you really are and where you always belong. It offers you an escape from the busy, noisy, and fucked up life in the city.

****

I super struggled with this article. Di ko tuloy natapos! I dunno if it’s just me, or wala na talagang alam utak ko. No. Wait. It’s not that. Erase that. May laman utak ko, for sure. But I don’t know what I really feel aside from missing the people I love and missing all the fun. I can’t function well, I can’t think properly and now I’m back to the phase of not wanting to do anything but sleep. I’m that lazy, I’m that restless, I am that fucked up. My life is so screwed up; I dunno how to untangle all the things that are intertwined. The things that make my head full of shit are shitty. Idk. Wtf. I know I don’t make sense and I don’t think I have to. Feel free to leave.

****

Nung nakita ko yung Freshie Night ’10 pictures, I felt so jealous. Idk. Jealous of everybody? Kasi they were together. I told myself that I should be there, too. With them. In the pictures. It was so sad. I felt like crying. God. I miss them so much. I miss the laughs. Tambay moments. Alcohol, anyone? Jk. I miss the life I used to have. If I had any. Haha. Fcuk. I wanna break free. Again. From everything. That hurts. Wuhoo!

Tuesday, 17 August 2010

Moments Between Sleep (Acoustic) VersaEmerge

I am so in love with Sierra's voice, I wanna marry it.

We don’t read and write poetry because it’s cute. We read and write poetry because we are members of the human race. And the human race is full of passion. And medicine, law, business, engineering, these are noble pursuits and necessary to sustain life. But poetry, beauty, romance, love, these are what we stay alive for.
– Dead Poets Society.

Monday, 16 August 2010

Turn It Off



Turn It Off. Acoustic. Paramore ♥

I scraped my knees while I was praying
And found a demon in my safest haven
Seems like it's getting harder to believe in anything
Than just to get lost in all my selfish thoughts

I wanna know what it'd be like
To find perfection in my pride
To see nothing in the light
But turn it off, in all my spite
In all my spite, I'll turn it off

And the worst part is
Before it gets any better
We're headed for a cliff
And in the free fall
I will realize I'm better off
When I hit the bottom

The tragedy, it seems unending
I'm watching everyone I looked up to break and bending
We're taking shortcuts and false solutions
Just to come out the hero

Well, I can see behind the curtain
The wheels are cranking, turning
It's all wrong, the way we're working
Towards a goal that's non-existent
It's not existent, but we just keep believing

I wanna know what it'd be like
To find perfection in my pride
To see nothing in the light
I'll turn it off, in all my spite
In all my spite, I'll turn it off
Just turn it off
Again, again, again..

Saturday, 14 August 2010

Rant

Boredom. I am so bored with this life, I can’t do anything about it. I don’t wanna admit this, but it seems like I need someone to spice it up for me. Wtf. I’m always sleepy. Always tired. Always wish I were somewhere else. I think I need to try something new. Or at least change something in my life now. Wtf. Uhm. My hair? I'm thinking about getting a haircut. Or dyeing it again, maybe? Basta I know I need to change at least something in my body. What about my weight? Maybe I should just not eat for a week or something? I want a firm ass. Would running/jogging three times a week help? Argh.

Anythng. Please lang. Just anything. Help me change something in me. Everything kind of felt usual and ordinary nowadays. Idk. I just can’t find meaning in everything I do. Lately. Idk. Whatever. Or hindi ko lang napapansin. Fek. Maybe I’m just stuck up in this phase that I don’t really notice the changes that are in fact going on around me. Why do things feel ordinary? MyGod. Why?! Why do I feel so plain and ordinary?

And why doesn’t anybody understand me?

Idk. Not. You cannot imagine the intensity of the crap I do not give. Or something. Idk. Maybe. I really just dgaf.
"Two things that a recurring heartbreak does to you, among many: you die incessantly, and you lose all eloquence. You die, always already still and ever." (Ramoya, 2007) :D

Do It Yourself… Or Not.

(I am not sure why I chose the title. Just read the article then try to figure it out by yourself. Whew. Anyway, this is for one of my course, Social Science 1. I tried my best to make it formal and comprehensive, it's just that due to the limited time I have to work on this, it might be crappy. And it's all my fault. So.)

****

I’ve been in this community for as long as I can remember. In other words, I’ve been here since the day I was born. So, I think I have the right to say what I need should be improved when it comes to the welfare of this community. Opinions, suggestions, and other views for the progress of this district are always appreciated, anyway.

First off, there’s a reason why we have what we call a “neighbourhood.” Our houses aren’t located near each other just because there’s no other place to put them in. We live in one community because we have to help each other to be able to develop. We need each other to be able to survive. And we won’t be able to live normally unless we acknowledge the fact that we are a part of one group and that that group is essential for our survival. Because of the fact that we are now in the modern era, what we Filipinos call “bayanihan” seems to lose its meaning. I think the first step to be able to do something that would spur the growth of our community is to get to know each other first.

When my family and I moved here, from a place that is actually within the campus as well, of course I didn’t know anyone yet. The feeling of belongingness was a hard process. The new neighbourhood was so quiet. It was very peaceful. And it’s as if nobody knew anyone else. It’s as if no one else existed aside from his or her family and everything that is inside their house. My new place seemed boring. I felt like I didn’t belong there. Most importantly, I felt like the original residents didn’t like me to be there. Or they just don’t care.

That is actually the reason why I think it is important that people within a single community get to know each other. It is the primary step to be able to plan something more intimate for the betterment of a specific region. A simple welcome party or something for the new residents would do. Practices like sharing food from house to house would be nice. To be able to receive warmth, of course it should be given first.

After we work on tightening our ties with our other kababayans, planning on actions for development would be easier. I believe that it is easier to work with the people you know since you would be able to know their background and some of their preferences.

Now, what I like most in this community is the fact that the inhabitants know where to throw their wastes. They make it a point to make sure that there are no trashes anywhere near the vicinity. If ever they see one, the initiative to put it away is there. They want their places clean because they know that it mirrors them in a way. The residents know how to maintain their places and this simple act suggest that they want others to do the same. So even if we do not actually generate a plan to make the roads clean, each unit makes it known by setting an example. That’s why when it comes to environmental concerns, I don’t think my community has a problem with that. Now keep in mind that I am just talking about the area where I actually reside, not necessarily the whole UP community.

So anyway, I mentioned earlier how the people in my place seemed detach but is still mutually united in keeping the whole community clean. Compared to my previous neighbourhood, this by the way is also located within the UP Campus, this second place does not have the Flores De Mayo. I dunno why that practice is the first thing that came to my mind when the word “cultural” was brought up. Maybe it’s because aside from the connection it has with our history, I really love seeing beautiful maidens parading in front of me in their beautiful dresses. I never got the chance to be a “reyna” in the Flores De Mayo. Actually, I never got the chance to be in a FDM even if the role is only to hold an arch. I would have liked that! Haha. So. Every time I hear that some village near ours would be having one, I always wished that the adults in my community would gather and act on it. I want one too! By the way, I was in my first few years of high school when we set off for a new area. That’s when I realized that not all villages or areas in the UP Campus have events such as the FDM. I actually thought there was only one group of them and that they actually go around the whole campus to show off their beauty. Well then, I thought wrong. It was too late for me to realize that as long as I live where I do, I would never be able to see an FDM ever.

So. I want to change that for the younger generation. I fear that they would not be able to see girls dressed like queens or be like queens themselves even for a night only. This tradition used to be valued a lot. I believe it is a part of our history already. Right? Because it involves Spain and Christianity. And these two concepts has a huge impact on us Filipinos. It’s sad that little by little, it’s as if it is being erased in some of the communities here in the Philippines. Sad, because it is really beautiful, though.

Events such as that, whether cultural or historical, not only showcases the talent of the people but also binds them. It makes the bond of the people tighter every time a program like that is executed.

The only event that is being held in my community every year is a New Year’s party, which is also a year ender party. It happened every year and the fund that is being used is actually from the people of the community. The week before the actual program takes place, some residents responsible for the event go to each of the house to ask for a contribution. The people has the option whether they wanna give money, candies, or other valuable things that could serve as a prize for the games that would be played.

I can’t actually say much about the changes that should be done in my community that would make me feel satisfied. I like it the way that it is. I know the people here would be at an arm’s length if ever the time comes that I would badly need them. We might not talk everyday about the stuffs that are going on around the country or around the world but we know mutually that if ever one needs something from the other, all s/he has to do is ask. We are neighbours, anyway. We should rely on each other in times of need.

Whom else should we yearn for in times of trouble aside from the people that are closer to us? ##

Paramore - The Only Exception [HQ] - Official Music Video



I used to cry along with this video. Aww. Hello first love! ♥♥ I hope you’re doing fine. Haha. Ü

Mixed Up

So. This has been going on for a while. And I already kind of hinted this on one of my previous posts. And, well, until now, I can’t speak freely about it. Ayun, so dapat gumagawa ako ng FMA, pero hindi. As usual, hindi ako gumagawa. Naiinis ako sa sarili ko. Grabe talaga.

I feel like crying. But I am not even sure for what reason. Maybe it’s because, I feel like I can’t have the things I want again. Like what happens most of the time. Darn it.

Damn it, I just wanna sing the songs I love and listen to all my favourite music. I don’t wanna do anything else. I wish I could make a living just by singing. Damn it!

“And after all the boys and the girls that we’ve been through, would you give it all up, could you give it all up if I promise boy to you that I’ll never talk again..” – Lady Gaga (Speechless) I love this song. Especially this version:



So. Every time I feel like crying for no reason, I remember Nico and Rap (hi bros! Ü). It’s because I told them I do that most of the time. I think it was sometime in March or April (?) When the semester was about to end. And I even asked if they do the same. Yknow, crying just because it feels good to cry. Like you don’t really have any burden with you but since you just wanna lighten up your mood or whatever, you release some tear from the eyes. Something like that :D

I really wanna cry right now! Just because I want to. Really! Weird? Basta.

Wednesday, 11 August 2010





Kristen Stewart.
I love you, okay? Haha! ♥

The Face That Launched A Thousand Sighs



I didn’t think I’d love her so much. The first time I saw her, it was in Panic Room and my eyes were actually fixed on Jodie Foster by that time. I think Jodie Foster is a great actor. Not to mention that she’s really beautiful, too. So. What I thought of Kristen Stewart the first time I saw her was that she’s handsome. Really. She looked like a boy I’d fell in love with. Hahaha.

I don’t think I’ve heard much about her after Panic Room until she portrayed Bella Swan in the Twilight Saga. Gosh. I don’t like the book as well as the movies but since Kristen Stewart depicts the main character, I’ll go for it. Haha. I really love her face. As in. I wish I had her face. Kidding. Oh, and did I say I love her face? Haha. Goodness. I think this girl is a god. Really. Haha wait, I might be a little exaggerating there though. Basta. I really really love looking at her face. Really. I dunno why. I just love her face. A lot. And based on some interviews and other articles about her, I think she’s really an awesome person. She might be a little awkward sometimes, but I like the way she keeps everything real. It’s really what you see is what you get with Kristen Stewart. Sigh.

She totally rocks my world without even trying. Haha. Labo. Basta. I’m such a fan! ♥

Tuesday, 10 August 2010

My Mother Is On Facebook

So. My mother is on Facebook. I don’t really care, alright. I know it’s a way for her to reconnect with her friends from the past and old acquaintances, too. And I don’t think she actually monitors my every move in the cyber world anyway. And it won’t really bother me if she does. I don’t really hide anything. And if ever she finds something offensive on my page, I know I can defend myself and explain some truths behind that post or something.

At this very minute while I am typing this blog entry, she is online as well. I dunno what exactly she’s doing, but most probably she’s not playing Farmville. Haha.

"Teenage Dream" - Official Lyric Video

Real Leaf Green Tea Is Definitely My Bottle Of Tea



We were told that an apple a day keeps the doctor away. And that honey, even though it is sweeter than sugar, does not really promote weight gain and is a natural antioxidant. So when combined, I don’t think one would be able to imagine the goodness and refreshment it would give to the body. I could actually imagine the taste right now, and I bet it would be heavenly. Bongga diba. :b

It was only recently that I realized I should stop drinking soft drinks as my main thirst quencher. I thought I should totally stop taking them because it has huge amounts of calories because of the sugar and I should be avoiding beverages with high-cal since I should now be more concerned with my weight.

Thank goodness, I discovered Real Leaf Green Tea in Honey Apple flavour! Well I didn’t actually discover it, all right. A friend recommended it to me and then I tried it immediately. I am so glad that I did. The moment the ready to drink green tea flowed from the bottle into my mouth, I know I wouldn’t look for any other thirst quencher. One gulp and then it took away all the dryness I felt. I am certain this is exactly my cup of tea. First, because apple is my favourite fruit, and second is that it has natural honey! I really like the idea that they are from bees.

So aside from the honey, which I am so fond of, Real Leaf Green Tea has amino acids such as Theanine that helps the mind become more focused due to the stimulation of the alpha brain waves. As we know, most teas have Caffeine as well and as it works with Theanine, they would help us become more focused so that we would be able to do things efficiently. For more information about the product, please check this out: http://www.facebook.com/realleaf. Hmn. Since I could already feel the midterm exams approaching, it’s good to know what I should be having during review sessions. And it is no other than this drink. Nice! :D

The reason why I chose Honey Apple is that apple is my fave fruit and like what I said earlier, an apple a day keeps the doctor away. Haha. It’s nice to know I could actually have it every day in the form of a tea that also contains Catechins that fight away free radicals. However, please don’t limit yourself into drinking this particular flavour of Real Leaf Green Tea too. For those who do not really like apple-flavoured beverages, good news is that Real Leaf has two other available flavours: Honey Lemon and Honey Lychee. Awesome, right? :D I promised myself I should try the other two tomorrow.

But before going to bed and drinking the remaining contents of the bottle of Real Leaf beside me, I know I should be following this delicious beverage in Twitter for more updates as well. And in case you might want to do the same, here is the link: http://twitter.com/realleaf. Enjoy! :D
(I wish I could have some Real Leaf Green Tea in my dreams though.)

Sunday, 8 August 2010

First Dates Are Always Awkward

I hate first dates. First date as in the first time you’re going to go out with a particular person, alright. Not exactly the first date you have in your entire life. I always feel like cancelling it the night before the actual date. I feel really weird when I think that the person might not like me anymore after spending a day with me. I know it’s stupid. I just feel paranoid. Especially when I don’t actually see the person very much. Going out with people and wanting them to like you or not unlike you is really stupid.

I think of what might happen during the date. I think about unintentionally doing crazy stuffs that would make the person feel somewhat turned off. I am almost a hundred per cent sure I’d do or say something really really awkward. Like something that would ruin a should-be-perfect time together. Hehe. I become nervous that I’d eventually do something stupid. I try my best in keeping everything real though. I try to be myself even if it’s hard because you don’t really know the person that much yet. I don’t trust myself during a first date.

I hate first dates. I almost always want them to end abruptly. But luckily, all first dates I ever had always end up nice. With me and the other person getting along well. I mean, we don’t have to end up as lovers or something. But at least we got to know each other better. And then that would be the start of a great friendship. Which is really nice. Okay?

That’s why at the back of my mind, even if I’m actually thinking of ditching somebody, I know I should always, always give them a chance first. Haha. In the end, I always find out that all my worries are unnecessary. Because first dates with me are always awesome. And the second… And the third… KIDDING! Just kidding. Ako na talaga :b

Friday, 6 August 2010

Flattered. But not interested.

It feels good when other people appreciate who you are and what you do even if sometimes, they do so without even knowing who you really are and what are your actual intentions. And by how they treat you, you would see that the admiration they have towards you is actually blurred. Blurred because of the fact that they already trusted you and they are already willing to invest in you even if what they see is not really you but the image that they actually want to see in you.

It’s nice to be admired. Really. But to some extent, you would just get tired of it eventually. Especially if you do not actually like the person who admires you. I don’t want to be mean here. But please try to understand that I can’t always be nice to everybody especially if they’re making me uncomfortable little by little to the point of creeping me entirely out.

****
You could still talk to me. And I’d talk to you but after what happened, please don’t expect I’d be warm. I feel really bad when I know I’m bitching you out already, though. I really feel some tightness in my chest. I swear. I hate the feeling. But I can’t help being rude. Even if I never really mean to. You were invading my alone-ness and I don’t like that. Please. Just. Stop. Making. Me. Uncomfortable.

How to clear Blackheads dirty Pores on Nose



Imma try this sometime. Akala ko okey na ko sa masking tape eh. HAHAHA.

Sunday, 1 August 2010

Ch1

This isn't about me. I just made this :)

****

TROUBLED

They said I could talk to her about anything. About anything. No matter how stupid, no matter how mundane. The said she would listen.

It was early afternoon in August when I decided to drop by her office to finally meet her. She was well known around the campus because of how she treats the student. It was her first year in the university yet many people already admire her. They said she doesn’t actually make appointments and that she is ready for consultation at any time of the day. I was hesitant to see her at first but then the thought that I couldn’t possibly tell anybody else about my problem prompted me.

I knocked softly at the door three times. Three. Because it is the usual number of knocks a normal, not in a rush person would make. They said when someone knocks at your door only twice, most probably it’s a ghost. That is why I always knock three times. So as not to confuse anybody.

There was no answer. I wasn’t actually expecting an answer since she must be sitting in front of her desk and I didn’t want her to be bothered and open the door for me. And if ever she told me to come in, I had no way of hearing behind the closed door. So I waited a few seconds before I opened the door.

They said she is always smiling and that she looks so approachable that I should be comfortable talking to her. I wondered what’s wrong. When I opened the door, she was looking straight at me with her dead eyes. Dead. Or was it deadly? Her eye shadow was so dark, her eye liner was jet black, and she had heavy mascara hanging on her eye lashes. She looked so pale that her eyes were the only things that seemed alive. Alive but dead at the same time. I concealed a frown. She didn’t say anything when she motioned for me to sit down. I did upon greeting her a nice afternoon.

I noticed that her office has a warm feeling in it. It had pastel pink curtains that scream off merriment. It reminded me of my grandmother’s flowers in summer. The cozy sofa was neon green with a yellow table in front of it that had a vase full of pink and white roses. The room felt so comforting and reassuring. However, after I wandered my eyes around the room and into her face that was full of gloom, it was as if everything turned black. I briefly smiled. She never returned the gesture.


DEPRESSED

I woke up light headed. Dizziness embraced me as soon as I opened my eyes. Could it be because of the booze I gobbled up last night? I am used to drinking though. Maybe I was drugged? Stupid friends. Stupid alcohol. Stupid boyfriend... I mean, ex-boyfriend. Stupid life.

So my boyfriend broke up –no, he dumped me—last night. On the phone. Son of a gun. How could he do that? Dumped me? On the phone?! I deserve something more decent, I believe. He should’ve waited until we meet. Dang. He said I was way above him. That he couldn’t reach me anymore. That while I am already on cloud nine, he’s still on the gutter, smoking his cheap cigarette. And that that is where he’ll always be. Stupid. He said he’s happy for what I’ve become and that he’s threatened of what he is not becoming. Those were his reasons for breaking up with me. Oh well, I suspect a third party.

The break up was the reason why my friends treated me like a princess last night. A gullible princess. Or should I say slave? Entertainer, maybe? They made me sing and dance. My goodness. But I enjoyed it. Everything felt so liberating. Even the break up. At least I am not tied to a jerk anymore. Stupid life. And love.

This morning I didn’t get up from the bed. I forced myself to fall from the bed. I literally kissed the ground. So as not to lose my ground. And I decided he was wrong. I could never be on cloud nine. Anyway, I soon as I had the strength to drag myself up from the floor, I made me some coffee then turned on the TV. Surprisingly, I wasn’t hungry. I turned to look at the clock and saw that it was already 10:45. Geez. So I wasn’t able to come to office by nine. Haha! Great. I promised myself I’ll be there by two o’clock in the afternoon.

The moment I sat down my office, the urge to go back home was so intense I was ready to fly. Damn it. I should have stayed at home and tried to mend my broken heart instead.

Mind Fuck (Or Fuck My Mind. Whatever)

So ano ba. Hindi ko alam. Haha. I wanna write something, I just can’t think of what to write. Because writing makes almost everything official. Whatever. And I don’t really wanna entertain the idea. Whatever idea it is. Haha. Loljk. The idea that’s lurking in my mind for almost a week now. I think. Which is weird. And really really stupid. Because. I shouldn’t be thinking or feeling this way. Whatever this way is. Which is really weird. Fek. Before I totally blurt that something or whatever thing out, I should stop this na.

Basta something is really bothering me. And what’s most bothering is that I should not be bothered by that something. Sorry I can’t share it here pa. Baka mabasa nung ibang taong involved. HAHAHA. Just maybe. Soon… But not now. Kasi ayoko pa talaga isipin kung ano yun. Kahit puro clue nako dito, I can stop myself nman and control the thoughts kaya hindi ko super naiiisp at maishare. Haha. WhatTheFek.

Bahala na nga. Anak ng ano talaga. Shit. Pero I really want that person’s happiness. That’s for sure. Pero pano na happiness ko? HAHA. Ako na emo! :-P

But anyway, wala namang kasiguraduhan na that thing I was talking about would give me happiness eh. Haha. Ayon. I should just stick to the things nalang that already made me happy ♥ Lol.