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Thursday, 19 August 2010

Missed

I imagine the feelings of two people meeting again after many years. In the past they spent some time together, and therefore they think they are linked by the same experience, the same recollections. The same recollections? That’s where the misunderstanding starts: they don’t have the same recollections; each of them retains two or three small scenes from the past, but each has his own; their recollections are not similar; they don’t intersect; and even in terms of quantity they are not comparable: one person remembers the other more than he is remembered; first because memory capacity varies among individuals, but also (this is more painful to admit) because they don’t hold the same importance for each other.
–IGNORANCE, Milan Kundera

Paramore: Ignorance is your new bestfriend.

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It feels like forever since I last wrote anything and then posted it on this page. Idk. Everything just feels so distant now. I miss my friends. I miss doing the things I love. And most importantly, I miss who I used to be. I hate the fact that life goes on but I feel like I’m left here, doing nothing but crap. Or something else. Something not important. At least not important to other people. Whatever.

I miss the mountains. I miss climbing mountains. I miss hiking with my friends, exHousemates, orgMates, and schlmates. Hehe. I’m not sure what I especially like about mountain climbing. It’s very tiring. It makes you all sweaty. It makes you thirsty. It can numb your leg. But it makes you feel so in touch with nature. It offers some sort of detachment that feels so natural. It makes you feel closer to who you really are and where you always belong. It offers you an escape from the busy, noisy, and fucked up life in the city.

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I super struggled with this article. Di ko tuloy natapos! I dunno if it’s just me, or wala na talagang alam utak ko. No. Wait. It’s not that. Erase that. May laman utak ko, for sure. But I don’t know what I really feel aside from missing the people I love and missing all the fun. I can’t function well, I can’t think properly and now I’m back to the phase of not wanting to do anything but sleep. I’m that lazy, I’m that restless, I am that fucked up. My life is so screwed up; I dunno how to untangle all the things that are intertwined. The things that make my head full of shit are shitty. Idk. Wtf. I know I don’t make sense and I don’t think I have to. Feel free to leave.

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Nung nakita ko yung Freshie Night ’10 pictures, I felt so jealous. Idk. Jealous of everybody? Kasi they were together. I told myself that I should be there, too. With them. In the pictures. It was so sad. I felt like crying. God. I miss them so much. I miss the laughs. Tambay moments. Alcohol, anyone? Jk. I miss the life I used to have. If I had any. Haha. Fcuk. I wanna break free. Again. From everything. That hurts. Wuhoo!

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