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Wednesday, 25 August 2010

Twilighting

According to the movie I watched last week, “twilighting” is when you think of your past, someone who was special, life in general, or all of the above. The way I understood it, it kinda means contemplating or reflecting about yourself and the life you’re living. Haha. Yeah… Something like that.

I don’t really intend to think about someone who was special. It’s just that lately, whenever I was walking with someone, I miss those times when we walk side by side and you were holding my nape. That used to tickle me, but I was comfortable when you were doing it. I felt so secure. So carefree. So special.

So, anyway. I don’t wanna miss you more so I would stop talking about our past, like, now. It’s nonsense. Ok.

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My photos reveal something of me… Like duh. Of course it should. But wait. What I mean is that they reveal something beyond the physical aspects of me. (Yeah, I’m trying to be deep here.) So. I dunno what exactly but it has something to do with what’s inside me. Something that I didn’t know was there when the photos were being taken. Now that I was able to see the photos in front of me, I instantly knew what was wrong.

And I won’t tell anyone.

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Kanina when I was at a photo shop at SC to make paPrint of something for the dorm manager of IC, the one working there kind of made my eyebrow twitch. He was eating some bread so he asked me to wait a minute. Good thing the other staff offered to print it instead. Idk. It’s nothing, really. I am somewhat used to waiting for other people to do something for me nman eh. Kaya lang, hello kuya customer po kasi ako. Having a kind face doesn’t mean I wouldn’t be pissed off. I was really tired and all I wanted to do was lie down. If I weren’t tired, I would just shake it off, and then the whole situation wouldn’t even be mentioned here. It’s just that I reminded myself to put it here. So. There. If I were a total bitch, I would have had answered that kuya and pulled off a bitch face. I dunno. I was so restless. I was so fucked up. Whatever.

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I really wanna talk about something else. Something more important than anything that’s already written here. Kaya lang it’s not yet safe to talk about it. And I really don’t know if that time will come. I am so.

Sick. And tired.

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So yesterday, or was it early this morning? Whatev. Ava asked me why I don’t put here the daily happenings of my life. Uhm. I told her I am uninspired. And there was really nothing exciting about my everyday life that I can put here. Haha. Just saying.

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I’m so sad. I dunno what to do with my life.

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