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Tuesday, 28 September 2010

Hot And Cold

One sign that I am totally not myself tonight:

I went out of the house into the garage to charge my cell phone. I don’t feel like explaining why I had to charge my phone in an outlet outside the house, so I won’t, but believe me, there’s a valid reason. So. On my way back, I saw a glass of water and I thought it would be best to bring it on the sink to be able to be washed. I dunno who used it and it sort of looked like it wasn’t clean.

I dunno what got into me, but maybe because of the glass in my hand, my head impulsively thought that I needed a drink. Without really thinking about what I was doing, I went to the fridge then filled it with cold water and then I drank from it! The horror! Kidding. I didn’t really over react. So. I didn’t realize yet that it was not clean until I drank up all its contents. My eyes just widened a little bit, thinking what I just did. Then that’s it. Like, whatever. I can’t do anything about it anymore. The water’s in my stomach already. And it’s not like I’m that maarte to try to throw up. So, what the hell.

****

There. That’s just one sign that I am not myself tonight. I dunno why I’m like this. See, I don’t like the feeling. It’s like I suddenly hated the world. I felt… empty. And that is the least thing that I should be feeling, okay. Hello, hormonal imbalance. FuckYeah.

I should be ecstatic since today was great. I met up some people and they were awesome (you’re the awesome-est, okay..). So I guess I must be tired. I feel really restless. Or most probably I am just PMS-ing. And that is so fucked up. I don’t really feel like talking to anybody tonight. Not at all.

Monday, 27 September 2010

Splash!

Because this is one of the memorable experiences I have in Baguio City last sem, I feel the need to share it here. And. I don’t really want to forget what happened because it was a big deal at school the day after it actually happened. And this was so funny and scary at the same time.

It was one chilly night in February. Or March. Or April, maybe? Haha. Anyway.. So.. It was one chilly night in one of the early months of this year and me and my housemates in Military Cut Off in Baguio City were joking around or something when one of us, (Shocks, I could barely remember if it was me, or Kat or April, but for sure it’s not Roan, since she was kinda sleeping na that time. Haha) went to the sink to wash her hands when suddenly, the faucet popped. Oh wait, I dunno how to describe it, really. But the faucet was so loose that it came off (?) from where it was so the water burst out in all its strength, spreading itself all over the kitchen. As in everything was wet.

(MagtaTagalog na lang ako okey. Hehe. Or Taglish.)

Ayun nga, natanggal yung gripo kasi loose na ung, well, gripo :D Tapos, sumabog ung tubig, as in nabasa halos ung buong kusina pati ung nagbukas ng gripo, na hindi ko na maalala kung sino. Si April ata..? Ehdi labasan yung mga natira sa kwarto. Si Kat, dahil yung mga papel nia ay nasa kitchen table, medyo nagpanic. Shempre nabasa. Hehe. Tapos super nataranta na kami, hindi namin alam kung pano pipigilan yung tubig na sobrang lakas na lumalabas sa gripo. As in grabe. Naapahinto naman namin kaso yung may hawak, yung mismong nagpipigil na water force, dapat andun lang sha forever. Eh hindi naman pwede yun, duh. Tapos basing basa pa yung buong bahay. Parang ewan tlaga. Basing basa na manlulumo ka kasi nakaktamad linisin. Kami naman, although medyo asar na kasi dapat natutulog na kami, dinaan na lng naming sa tawanan. Wuhoo. Lagi naman kami nagtatawanan whenever we’re together eh. Haha.

And then suddenly… To our surprise, someone knocked on the door! It was the brother of our landlady. He’s really creepy because he’s always drunk and for me, he’s the epitome of “ka-manyakan” promise.

We thought he heard how strong the water force was that’s why he knocked. At first, we decided not to tell him the problem and just solve it ourselves, but we were really tired na and all so we just wanna hand him over the problem so that we could sleep. We wanted him to fix the faucet so that we all could retire.

We found out later on that he never heard that the water was going crazy and that the faucet was broken. He just wanted to annoy us. See, he was drunk and crazier than the water. He joked a lot, offended us in some way, and made me really irritated, while fixing the goddamn gripo. He even touched Katrine’s legs on his way out of the door to get some tool! God. So, Kat was sitting in the kitchen table, I was leaning on the bedroom door, while the others were pretending to be asleep. When he kinda touched Kat’s legs, I ordered Kat to go inside the bedroom and just stay there until the faucet gets fixed and the man was out. I was a little mad at her for staying near the bastard and showing herself without a bra underneath her thin shirt. She was merely covering her chest with her hands. So, I asked April to help me out. I mean, to sort of accompany the man while he was inside the house. But April, and her super duper quirky self, tried teasing the man and everything. At first it was funny, but after a few minutes, everything kind of got offensive and out of hand. Well, may bad is that I kinda joked with them too. Knowing the man was drunk, and drunk persons are super sarap pagtripan, we said that April was a guy. Hehe. Of course the man didn’t buy it. He said, “Kung lalaki ka, bat ang laki ng boobs mo?” THEN HE TOUCHED HER BOOBS! OMG! AS IN OMG! April and I just stood there looking at each other. Then I made a gesture that we should just go inside the bedroom. The fuck.

In the bedroom, we were really pissed off na and scared for ourselves. Pero we still managed to joke around, in hushed voices. We talked about killing the man and hiding his body somewhere that no one would ever notice. We thought no one actually knows he was inside the house, so if ever we went on with the plan, no one would ever know, we wouldn’t be blamed for his future “disappearance.” HAHAHA. But of course, we were just joking! We could never do such a thing, EVER. After a few minutes, we heard the maniac screaming, enjoying his alone time with the water. Thefuck. He even shouted “Ang sarap sarap!” WHAT THE HELL. That was the moment that I snapped. Like, for godsake, I should be sleeping by now! I guess it was past midnight already. So, I told Kat to call the landlady na. At first, wla talagang sumasagot. Malamang kasi nga hating gabi na. Tapos finally, nakausap nga namin, we asked her to come down the house.

Tas pagdating, wow, buong pamilya po kayo? Hehe. Yung landlady andun, yung asawa nia, yung kapatid, at yung mga magulang nia! Haha. Ang liit kaya ng bahay namin para sa inyo :b Hehe. So all in all, anim silang magkakapamilya sa bahay namin that madaling araw.

We explained what happened and then they tried dragging him out of the house. The eldest, which is the father of the landlady fixed the faucet instead. And he did it so quickly that we found out later on that that maniac was just stalling so that he could be with us for some time. Adik lang. And super creepy. Kinabahan tlga kami, to the point nga of killing him. Haha. Kidding.

Sooo funny nuh? After that incident, mas naging mabait yung landlady samin, ayaw kaming mawala. Haha. Eh kasi kami na nga lang nagtitiis sa bahay nila, ganon pa ngyare diba. Hahaha. We moved out naman before the sem ends kasi nga nagaway kami ni Kat. Hehe. Pero okay na lahat ngayon, cool! :D

And about that man, Idk if he’s still alive today. Haha. I guess he’s an alcoholic and a former (?) drug addict so baka may sakit pa lang sha nagyon. Whew. So mean! Pero ayun. Whatever :D This experience will always be funny for Kat, April, and I. We shared the story to almost all our friends the following day and we all laughed about it. Hard.

Saturday, 25 September 2010

Definitely, Yes

I wanna marry you because you’re the first person I wanna look at when I wake up in the morning, and the only one I wanna kiss goodnight. Because the first time that I saw these hands, I couldn’t imagine not being able to hold them. But mainly, when you love someone as much as I love you, getting married is the only thing left to do. So, will you, um, marry me?

-Definitely, Maybe ♥ I love this movie :D

Sunday, 19 September 2010

F/L

Do I want to be feared or loved? That's a good question. I want both. I want people to be afraid of how much they love me!

— Michael Scott

The Fudge. Okay, well said. So now, I'm afraid of how much I love you. Really.

Who, me?

Okay. So, uhm. Here it goes. Oh, wait. I dunno if I should be posting this here. I don’t know. But where else? I don’t know. My mind’s fucking me crazy. Fuck. I don’t know.

****

I’m glad I took this Color Test right on time. The result pretty much sums up everything that’s bothering me. Which I learned, is just myself. Darn it. Okay so, Here is the effin result:

Your Existing Situation

You’re lazy when it comes to improving yourself or your career and lacks the ambition to change things. You do not like to put too much effort into things, except sexual activity. (WHAT!) You would rather feel comfort and security, than success.

Your Stress Sources

Your current situation or relationship is not up to par, but cannot improve it without help. You hide your vulnerability by holding back affection or being overly expressive. The relationship may be depressing, but the fear of losing too much keeps you around. You want to be independent and free, but fear the future will be just as disappointing. Your situation leaves you sensitive and impatience, seeking a quick escape. Your restlessness may destroy the ability to concentrate.

Your Restrained Characteristics

Your confidence is low but you are unable to admit that is the reason for your avoidance of conflict. You feel that it is a situation out of your control and you are making the best of it.

Your arrogance causes you to take offense quickly. Only those closest to you know that deep down you are sensitive and sentimental.

You feel trapped in a helpless situation and you are desperately seeking relief. You are able to find pleasure and happiness in sexual activity, as long as there is not a lot of conflict or emotional difficulty.

Emotionally withdrawn, you feel forced to make compromises that makes emotional attachments difficult.

Your Desired Objective

You have a strong desire to contribute and influence others, but it can make you restless. You are driven by your desires and hopes. You enjoy a wide range of activities, but you may spread yourself to thin taking on too much.

Your Actual Problem

Feeling held back and restricted from moving forward, looking for a solution that will give you more freedom and less obstacles.

Your Actual Problem #2

Feeling anxious and restless frustration toward current situation or unfulfilled emotional requirements are causing stress. You feel misunderstood, used, and anxious. You strive to search for new relationships or environment, in the hope they may offer you happiness and peace of mind.

****

So there. Please try to understand me na lang. I know it’s hard since I don’t really understand myself sometimes. But please, do try.

Tuesday, 14 September 2010

Song of the Day: The Way I Am




The Way I Am by Ingrid Michaelson

If you were falling, then I would catch you.
You need a light, I'd find a match.

Cause I love the way you say good morning.
And you take me the way I am.

If you are chilly, here take my sweater.
Your head is aching, I'll make it better.

Cause I love the way you call me baby.
And you take me the way I am.

I'd buy you Rogaine when you start losing all your hair.
Sew on patches to all you tear.

Cause I love you more than I could ever promise.
And you take me the way I am.
You take me the way I am.
You take me the way I am.

Monday, 13 September 2010

I don't know why. But I feel like everything's just fine when I'm talking to you. And then after a few moments when we stop talking, after the "hangover" from the talk, reality comes crashing in. I know I shouldn't be worried... not yet. But.

Sunday, 12 September 2010

This was my BLOG SITE last year? Eh basta before ako magtransfer dito sa Blogspot. Hehe. You might want to read some entries kasi they're really awesome :D HAHA. ♥

Saturday, 11 September 2010

HindiAkoMakaisipNgTitleKayaWagNaLangOK

Because I know I won’t be able to start working on the FMA unless I’ve cleared my mind of stupid thoughts that are driving me fukken insane. Stupid Thoughts.

****

Today I learned to go to SM Fairview all by myself. Haha, poser. Ok, not all by myself. I asked for some help/directions/guide or something. Whatever. I met there my ex-housemate, which was not really a housemate. Nakituloy lang ng isang buwan? Bumisita ng isang buwan kaya tinuring na naming housemate? O feeling housemate namin? Hehe. (Peace tayo, Ate April Ü) So. We decided to meet after five to six months na? I can barely remember. Basta after a really long time. Tas nung nagkta na kami, parang magkasama lang kami khapon. Haha. Of course we exchanged some I-miss-you’s and hugs, but after nun, ayun. Parang magkasama nga lang kami kahapon :) Ain’t that cool? Oh well, fcourse I’m cool. We made some catching up and then told each other some interesting experiences and happenings. I told her my dilemma. Which isn’t really a dilemma. Loljk. Idk. So after sharing, I felt like crying. Because I’m so stupid. And I don’t really feel well. And I don’t really know what to feel. What to say. Or what to do. Because I’m stupid. And all that’s getting out of my mind is crap. Dammit. I can’t say she cleared my mind about what I should do about this problem kasi until now hindi ko parin alam gagawin eh. O pati yung mararamdaman ko. Parang tanga lang. And whatever happened to me today made every dumb-ass thing about this stupid thing official. It ain’t even a thing. Crap. Labo nuh. Para hindi mo maintindihan. Hehe. So ayun. At least may nasabihan ako. Parang gago lng. Gosh, puro cuss words na tong entry na to. Fail. Hindi ko na talaga alam gagawin. Badtrip. Nagkita nga kami ulit nung dati kong “housemate” (hehe), puro kaEmohan lng naman lumabas sa bibig ko. Tama na nga.

But I’m really happy to see you again, Ate April :D I told you we should do this every weekend. Haha. Mwah! And hopefully, wala na kong problema sa…

****

Remember that moment when I told you I wouldn’t say anything? I badly wanted to say yes. I just haven’t evaluated the consequences of telling the truth at that moment, that’s why I just said I couldn’t tell you anything yet. Haha. Gosh. But now, thinking it over, I wish I just told you the truth. ‘Cause it’s piercing every part of me now. Idk if telling you would lessen this insanity, but at least you knew. Right? But I don’t think you can help me, though. Idk. I just need to talk to you again. Soon. So that I could be freed from this burden? And. Well, I need an advice :D Idk. Ask me again? Haha. Sonuvagun.

****

I feel so sad today, okay?

...

Friday, 10 September 2010

Kristen-ness = Awesomeness



Exactly how I want it. I like her especially when she looks like she dgaf.



But she looks so gorgeous here. ♥ I love her.

Thursday, 9 September 2010

What.

Hello, Trouble! How are you? Come on in. You’re welcome Ü Like I can do anything to keep you away. Gadammit. I’m screwed! To the bones, man. Screwed to the bones.

“And then he gives me a smile that seems so genuinely sweet with just the right touch of shyness that unexpected warmth rushes through me.”

I don’t know what else to say, I’m so speechless.
Because I’m tired, okay. Not because I have something else in my effin’ mind.

Tuesday, 7 September 2010

Morning Madness

If you talk to me the moment I wake up in the morning without me talking to you first, then you don’t know me, man. You’re screwed. I don’t like talking to anybody as soon as I wake up. I would just look blankly at you if you did so. Worse, tatarayan pa kita. And you wouldn’t be able to talk to me for the rest of the day. Yeah. In flesh ha. Pag sa text medyo okey lang, k. You are not able to see my face, anyway. After waking up, I usually just stare up in space and wonder why I’m once again in my waking life. Can’t I just stay in my dreams forever? Seriously. That’s why I don’t like saying ‘good morning’ (face to face) to anybody at all. Like, what is good in the morning when I should still be sleeping? Not that I don’t like my life. Actually I hate it soooo much. No, erase that. I’d like to keep a positive attitude, okay. So let’s just pretend I like it. Whatever. Laboooo.

So. The reason I'm not fond of getting up early in the morning is that I lack sleep. Forever. I could never get enough sleep. Everrr. Whenever you catch me, right after I woke up, with a super bad mood, that means I had slept for three to four hours only. And I hate the feeling. Who doesn’t? You can’t blame me for hating it since I’m a girl who badly loves dreaming and doing nothing but lying on the bed. Or cuddling, if I have a partner. Okay? Wahehe. God. I miss having someone hugging me when I’m about to sleep. So sad. And nostalgic. Anyway.

I remember one time when a friend pointed out my unbelievable morning attitude to another friend. I was so touched! Haha. I was so moved that he knows me enough to say how monstrous my attitude is every morning. I was in Baguio then and we usually had overnights together so we wake up in each other’s faces. And they know better than to look at me. Or to talk to me. They know I would approach them when I’m ready to talk to people na, so they just leave me alone for a while. They’d have a taste of my bitchface if they don’t comply. Exagg. If they did the wrong thing, which is to talk to me, I just shrug them off with a mischievous smile. And then they’d keep quiet. No offense was made. Everything was understood. I’d usually make it up to them later Ü

So. I already shook off this morning madness once. It just came back. When? That’s a secret I would never tell. Kidding. Ü Well. It was when I was in love. Haha. Which feels like a long time ago. Well, it was really a long time ago. Almost a year na. And I’m feeling great. Seriously. Not as great as I was then. But great, nonetheless. Just saying.

I think. I am not capable of brushing off this morning madness. At least not for now. So. If you happen to see me in this state, sorry. But you just have to bear it. *wink.wink*

Incubus - Love Hurts

Hi Brandon Boyd! You're so UNF! ♥



Love hurts
But sometimes it's a good hurt
And it feels like I'm alive
Love sings when it transcends the bad things
Have a heart and try me
'Cause without love I won't survive

Sunday, 5 September 2010

Don’t litter!

I know this topic is actually for Grade 1 students, but I just really need anything to write about. As in. Haha. I am dying to write about anything. As in anything. I dunno what’s happening to me but I can’t really think of anything nice to write. And I badly need to type something. I’m not sure why but all I know is that I love updating this blog. So. Before I start, I am really bothered that I am running out of topics to dwell on. I mean, I used to be busy whining, ranting, and/or philosophizing on paper. Now, it seems like I can’t feel anything. I liked writing down what I feel but now, there is nothing to write about. I feel so empty. Empty to the point of eating every food I see just to feel full. Darn it. I even looked up this topic on Write Source. I mean, how pathetic is that? (Well, not much. Haha.) Ok. So this is the moment where I should talk about the topic I’ve chosen. Hehe.

****

So. Don’t litter. I like my things organized. I want my room clean and I love to make everything in order. My life is kinda screwed and my head’s really messed up so I try to make some things around me better. I try to systemize material things around me since the things inside my mind are harder to touch, if not impossible.

At home, whenever I see some trash displaying itself somewhere it shouldn’t be, I immediately call the suspect. Meaning, the person responsible for putting it there. I ask them to throw it away in the trash bin. Harshly. I swear. I yell at them and scold them and get mad at them for not throwing that piece of shit properly so that they won’t do it again. Unfortunately, they never get tired of the things that come out of my mouth. They do that thing repeatedly. I am so pissed off whenever that happens. Really. I hate dirt. I’m allergic to it. I swear.

Well, how about the issue of littering outdoors? When I’m with a person and s/he throws something, say, a butt of cigarette or a candy wrapper, on the road or sidewalk, I just pick it up myself if I can’t ask her/him to pick it up. Why can’t I ask? Not because I know I would yell at them, alright. I just don’t want them to think that I am that OC. Because I’m not. I just want my environment clean. Haha.

I remember this incident with my mom. She threw something out of her pocket, I can’t remember if it was a piece of paper or a candy wrap, and then I got mad. Not mad mad. Just a bit mad. I was irritated. A little. Like. HELLO, MOM! HOW COULD YOU?! Haha. And she just laughed it off. I was so pissed off. Really. And then what did I do? I picked it up, of course! I am not used to throwing things anywhere. It ruins my view of my surroundings. The world is so fucked up, why do we people still have to mess it up, literally?! WHY? What I do when I have to throw out something and there are no trash cans around, I just put it in my pocket or in my bag for the meantime and just throw it out later when there’s a trashcan already or when I got home. Of course I’m sure there’s a trashcan at home. See? Practicing this won’t hurt. You might try it if you’re not doing it yet.

I believe we could make this world a better place if we could just dispose our garbage properly. If we can’t do that little thing, we have no right to dream about larger things like world peace. I think we should start changing ourselves little by little. Step by step. This statement is so overrated, but it’s true. If we yearn for some change, there is no other way but to change ourselves first.

“We have to be the change we want to see in the world.” Something like that. So please, DON’T LITTER!

Saturday, 4 September 2010

Love Letter To Self

So. I promised a few people I would update this page now. Damnit. I hate making promises. Kidding Ü So. I really don’t know what to write about. I don’t have anything. Anything. Anything. Ok. Just anything.

Before I went to sleep at around five thirty this afternoon, I remembered a.. uhm.. a friend back in high school. Oh. Wait. I dunno if she is a friend. But I think she was. Oh, well. Life. I remembered her telling me and another classmate that she got some love letters from a secret admirer. WHAT. She’s not really blessed in the looks and personality department so I think I could say that there was no way she would be able to get some letters especially from a secret admirer. Take my word on that. So. After showing us three or four letters from her so-called secret admirer, we found out (I forgot how we did) that she was just making everything up. The letters were from herself. She made herself a love letter. Cool. Woooow. I can’t understand how a person can do that. I mean. Send yourself love letters and then tell your “friends” it was from someone else. Why? To get some attention? To emphasize how likeable you are? (She wasn’t the least bit admirable, okay.) I dunno. I wasn’t able to understand her then. And I don’t think I even care now.

That was when I came up with a plan. Haha. I’m not sure why I did what I did. All I know was that it was fun doing it, fooling her. So mean >.< What I did was this. I made an elaborate love letter one night. I wish you could imagine how sweet and romantic I am so that you could envisage how great that love letter was. HAHAHA. Written there was something every girl would want to hear from an admirer. Really. The next day, during one of our breaks, I put the love letter inside her bag. I was so wary when I was doing that. Someone might see me and think that I was stealing something, you know. I didn’t want anybody to get the wrong idea although I know that what I was doing was entirely wrong. But, whatever. So when we met the following day, she showed us the letter that I made! Hahaha. Imagine how proud I was when she showed it. I mean, I made that! Hehe.

Anyway. I just wanted her to stop making stories, stop making issues about herself, and stop pretending she had an admirer. I just wanted her to stop fooling herself. I was just sort of getting her out of that make-believe situation she made for herself. I wanted her to stop fooling herself, so I fooled her instead. Wow. There’s some logic in that, btw Ü At least she was able to stop pretending that someone liked her, and believe that someone really does because she had something that she didn’t make for herself. Gets? Only it was a joke as well. Hell. She doesn’t know that truth anyway. She never will. (Unless she read this page) Ü Hehe.

****

Shy? No, I’m not. Not really. It’s just that in certain situations, I really dunno what to say so I just stay quiet and eventually get lost inside my own head. It doesn’t mean I’m bored and that I’d rather be somewhere else. I just think that I don’t really need to say something sometimes. And it doesn’t mean I’m not interested. I just don’t know what to say. It’s just me. It’s just my face. Haha. Sometimes I am comfortable just being with other people, especially those who are close to my heart that I don’t think I really have to say anything at all. At least not at all times, right? Their company is enough to make me feel happy and contented. So if ever you’re with me and I am not talking, it wouldn’t necessarily mean I don’t like you. I just don’t like talking much. Sometimes.

Wednesday, 1 September 2010

After Dark by Haruki Murakami (An Excerpt)

"You know what I think?" she says. "That people's memories are maybe the fuel they burn to stay alive. Whether those memories have any actual importance or not, it doesn't matter as far as the maintenance of life is concerned. They're all just fuel. Advertising fillers in the newspaper, philosophy books, dirty pictures in a magazine, a bundle of ten-thousand-yen bills: when you feed 'em to the fire, they're all just paper. The fire isn't thinking ‘Oh, this is Kant,’ or ‘Oh, this is the Yomiuri evening edition,’ or ‘Nice tits,’ while it burns. To the fire, they're nothing but scraps of paper. It's the exact same thing. Important memories, not-so-important memories, totally useless memories: there's no distinction—they're all just fuel.