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Tuesday, 19 October 2010

It’s My Life

Is it HIS life in the same way that this is MY life, and that is YOUR life?

It's like saying 'Wala kang pakialam.' See. That is where the loophole to all this crap starts. I can’t just leave him alone and let him be because it is HIS life. Am I not a part of his life? If anything bad happens, and he fell apart, is he not going to come to me and ask for my help? I am not avoiding that I-need-your-help situation. I just usually feel bad when I can’t do anything about another person’s problem. Especially a friend’s. It bothers me a lot that something is bothering them. And I can’t do anything about it. These people are part of my life, why can’t I be a part of theirs? Something like that. I kinda feel like I'm missing the whole point here, but whatever. I just need to let this all out. Fuck philosophizing. And twilighting. Fuck life. Whoo, why did I ever take this seriously? Anyway.

In the first place, why do people ask for other people’s advices and help if what they are dealing with is THEIR life. THEIR life, not MINE, hence, I should not mess with it or whatever. That I am actually outside it. Or I shouldn’t care about them at all, or just let them be. Just because of the cliché IT IS HIS LIFE (or It’s MY Life), not mine. What is the whole point of sharing something to me if you don’t think I am a part of your life? What. I have so much more to say, I just dunno how to put it clearly. I’m really imprecise that I can’t understand myself sometimes as well. But please don’t get me wrong… I’m just trying to express what I feel. Or think. And it doesn’t mean you have to agree with me. It’s not like I am looking for a fight or something.

It’s his life. So... When I heard that, I felt kind of mixed up. I can’t make the person happy. I don’t have the ability. And no matter how many times you mess with the world, it will still be that other person’s life, and not my life. Does that mean I have no say or whatever about it? It made me feel bad. No… It just made me think things over. I don’t know what you’re implying. I just don’t know anything. Does that mean I shouldn’t care with anybody at all? Precisely because it’s not my life? Or that I really can’t make you happy because the secret to happiness is actually in your own hands? God, this is becoming so circular, it’s getting stupid. Okay, this is definitely going to stop na.

I just think that no matter how much people want to be alone, no matter how much we say we should mind our own businesses, and no matter how much we like to do things by ourselves, without caring about what other people would think, we just cannot actually say that this is our life. Like, THIS IS MY LIFE. Or whatever. I dunno. I just think na in some way, we are all connected and interrelated that whatever happens in each individual kind of affects the whole world. Or a specific societal system, at least. I don’t know. I guess mashado lang Holistic yung perspective ko. Is it wrong? Or do I have a point? I don’t know! I just can’t really let things be because they are a part of me, as well as I am a part of them. *Sigh*

I dunno. I really don’t know. I am not so sure with a lot of things about my own life as well. BUT. When I say I’m sure I want something, I really really want it, and nothing would take away my attention from it. Call it selfishness.

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