Sunday, 28 November 2010

It’s the scariest thing ever to realize how much someone means to you. When it hits you, I mean really hits you, all these thoughts and questions rush through your head at once. A sad emotion even starts to creep on you slowly inch by inch as you start to wonder.

What if for some reason things don’t work out? –How are you going to live without them?

Someone that was once a stranger now is the only person you know like the back of your hand. Someone you once had no emotions for, now has the power to break your heart. Someone you never used to hang out with, now owns most of your time. Someone you never thought you’d love, now owns your entire heart. Someone you once lived without, you now wish to hold onto forever.


Monday, 15 November 2010


November 14 2010. 0425pm @McDo Philcoa

Waiting. Writing. Waiting. Waiting. Writing.

How boring is it to wait? It’s like this. Very… Very boring.
I am so bored, I cannot describe the feeling profoundly.
The struggle to keep your eyes open would kill you. Sigh. Or maybe I’m just sleepy. Sleepy na kakahintay. Bored. Sleepy. Haha. But isn’t Boredom = Sleep? ‘Cause when you’re bored, you’d most likely fall asleep. It would always make you yearn for the nearest bed, I swear.
It would make you want to kill everybody else in the background para lang may magawang exciting. It would drive you crazy.

It would make you think of the person you’re waiting for. What if something bad happened to her/him? What if something good happened to her/him? Soooo good, it made her/him forget that someone is waiting for her/him. Hate. I hate waiting.

(I’m waiting for my sister, btw. Ang labo ng mga sinabi ko.)

Never Again, Promise

Thank you very much. :)

It was so funny I was hysterical. That’s why I liked it. Liked with the “d,” yeah. Exactly after a split second form the moment I liked it, I regretted what I did. It hit me that I shouldn’t have done it. Actually, from my own point of view, it was stupid and so low. It was just that the damage was already done, so I can’t do anything about it anymore. I cannot “Unlike” it without her knowing that I liked it in the first place.

So… Why did I like it anyway? :D I honestly don’t know. It was like another person did it for me. I wasn’t quite myself that time, seriously. So… Why?? Uhm, maybe because it made me laugh? Hehe. It was funny to me, really. And I don’t know why. Weird. That’s why I clicked the button without thinking. It was an impulsive move and it was so stupid. I didn’t think about how it would make him feel… and I felt really bad.

It has been a long time since I felt that way. I felt like a child who did something bad… Who doesn’t know how to tell her parents what she did… Trying to hide it in any way possible… Just waiting for them to find out… Waiting to be punished.

I swear that was how I felt. It made me wanna burry my face in my hands. It made me want to disappear.

And it has been a long time since I wanted to just disappear like a bubble. That was how bad I felt. I was sorta kinda ashamed. HAHAHA. I dunno why. It was really stupid.

Because making him upset is the last thing that I ever want to make him feel. I really am sorry. It won’t happen again.
I don’t really care about that girl anyway. HAHA.

Wednesday, 10 November 2010

Friday, 5 November 2010

The Way I See It

Previously on my life… ;)

1. I’m finding it hard to write again. Why, oh why? Is it because I am… Idk. What? Well, I’ve always known naman na when I’m happy, it’s more difficult for me to write down what I feel. So there, I AM HAPPY :D It seems like it’s easier to jot down feelings if they were all negative. Bakit kaya? Hm. Maybe it’s because when you’re sad, depressed, or filled with negative energy, things are all locked up inside so you actually need to force them all out. On the other hand, when you’re overwhelming with all the positive emotions, you instantly share it with the world. It would actually burst out from all the corners of your soul without you trying. There is no need to make and find your own outlet when we talk about positive energies. It just exits your body uncontrollably. I think happiness flows outside us so that it could be shared with the world whether we like it or not. While with loneliness, although it’s contagious, it is harder to spread that’s why it’s locked up inside us most of the time. And we really have to think of subtle ways to let it out. */wrist* Kidding! :b

2. My goal right now is to finish AA first, then I’d decide what I’m really gonna do with my life, career-wise. I fucked up those three years in Baguio and now that I’m into another program, I might as well take it seriously this time. Hehe. I don’t regret that I didn’t take my studies in UPB seriously, though. What’s important is that I learned a lot of lessons about life and gained a lot of experiences and memories (and weight? Lol) that I will treasure forever... OhYeah. So please, don’t tell me sinayang ko yung time ko dun, kasi swear, I learned a lot. And the things that happened to me there made me who I am today ;)

3. So, about issues of the heart naman… I used to hear the statement “Guard your heart” a lot. And I never do. Hehe. I always give in to whatever it wants. Sobra. Because I know it’s what I want. Haha. Labo. Malamang diba :b When it comes to love, I seldom use my brain. I just don’t actually follow it unless I’m being super pathetic na. And anyway, love doesn’t have to be rational, right? So why use your brain and guard you heart? ;) Ehdi hindi na love yun :b If you think you’re already falling, why stop yourself and hold your breath? There is no way you could get up if you didn’t fall. So I guess falling is really a requirement in life. You’d never pass life without failing, yeah. And like what I often say, “Kung masaya ka ngayon, ehdi maganda. And if things turned out bad, at nasaktan ka, there’s no other way but to move forward. At least you WERE happy.” Ganun naman talaga, kung may up, may down. Hehe. And we couldn’t be on top always. What’s important is the here and now. Like, I don’t care about tomorrow basta I love you now and you love me today... ;) And it’s up to us to make it last. Wuhoo!

So are we really talking about love here? ‘Cause you don’t really talk about love, you feel it ;) Hehe. Ako na talaga. I can’t deny the fact that I am in love. Why would I? I am actually proud of it. And I swear, I’ve never been this happy before. And it’s mainly because of this thing called love (which isn’t actually a thing). And it's because of HIM pala. I’m so happy I feel like crying :’) Over. Haha. And it shows. Being in love… It’s so obvious, you can’t hide it. You can’t even try. Remember what I said that when you’re happy, happiness just flows out of your system freely? That is what’s happening to me right now. People knows, ‘cause it emanates. Yes. The force of love is so zealous that there’s no way you could hide it. And I told you I wouldn’t! :D:D ♥

4. Family issues, anyone? Hmn. This is one sensitive topic that’s really hard for me to write about. I just love my family so much. I guess... Haha. Kidding. FCourse I do! And it’s really hard not to get emotional and all about it. I mean, just read my previous post concerning this... it’s so sad. But anyway… I used to play with the idea of having a dysfunctional family. Wait. For the record, I don’t. We’re kinda normal naman. I guess. Hehe. It’s not that I want the family I belong to be dysfunctional than it already is, okay. But I used to play with this idea a long long time ago for me to have an excuse regarding my careless attitude.* I found out later on that I couldn't blame another person for my behaviour, though. It’s just ME. It’ll always be up to me. Other people might influence us in some manner, but in the end, the things that we do would always be based on our personal principles and beliefs. It’s up to us if we let others affect our every thoughts and actions. Yeah.


5. I really like reading books. Because books take you into different places. Somewhere that you are not. It’s like being able to travel without actually moving your fat ass. Hehe. My fat ass, in that case :b Deym. And with books, you could familiarize yourself with some life lessons that are manifested in the stories. So that when the time comes that you find yourself in a certain situation in life that you’ve already kinda read somewhere, you’d already have an idea of what to do or at least what it is about.

So, recently, I find it hard to concentrate on the books that I’m currently reading nga. At ang dami nang nakapilang libro. Grabe. Medyo weird lang kasi dati sobrang gusto ko kayang tinatapos agad mga binabasa ko. But now, it’s hard for me to concentrate on what I’m reading. It’s either I’d fall asleep on it, or my mind would just wander into other things. Hmn… I guess I just need a really good book like those that I’ve been reading before. Books from Coelho, Palahniuk, Gaiman, and Murakami. Hehe. Sorry, those are my favourite authors eh :b There. Pero hindi rin eh. Haaay. Labo. Okaya... Maybe vampires, weres, fairies, and other supernatural creatures aren’t for me lang talaga. Or tinatamad lang tlaga ko magbasa? Haha. Or wala ng time :( Huhu. Why am I super busy nowadays? O feeling ko lang yun? God, I feel so restless.

Ayun. Natapos rin. Pinakamahabang blog post ko na ‘to for this month, so far. Hehe. Grabe kasi. So much to do, so little time. Parang ang daming kelangan gawin, konti na lang time ko para sa sarili ko? O feeling ko lang? Hahaha. Feelingera much? Ayun. May naisip na kong topic for my next post, really. And it’s about my dad. *Straight face, then smirk* Why can’t we get along really well? OhGod. Pareho pa man din kaming Pisces… Uhm, anong connect? Ah, basta meron. Hehe. So. There... These are the happenings on my life and the things that are running in my mind recently :* Hmn, kulang pa yan shempre. Anong gusto mo, nobela? Chos! :D

** First November post ko pala 'to. Weeee! :*