Sunday, 30 January 2011

On Heartbreaks and Shooting Stars

This looks like a promising title that’s why I decided to write something out of it, to no avail. So, bahala na. Kung anuano na lang. Hello, random thoughts. Hehe. I just can’t think of anything insightful to write about. Haha. Tama nang pagpapanggap. Anak ng.


I won’t be able to forget the first time that I had seen a shooting star. It was in Baguio City and my friends and I were on our way to JR’s boarding house. The road was downhill so you’d be able to get a good view of the sky. There was really nothing to block the view so the sky looked really vast. The night sky was cloudless and the constellations were really amazing that I am betting on my life that it was one of the most spectacular view I had ever seen. We knew it was the meteor shower season, so on our way to JR’s, we were desperately waiting for something to fall from the sky. We were walking with our heads in the clouds. After some time, my friends were restlessly chatting so they didn’t notice when something did fall. But I did! Ohyeah, I did. It was a shooting star! And I was so happy about it. It was the first time. And first times are unforgettable. Aren’t they? *wink* I remember wishing on it. But I can’t remember what I wished for. Haha. Happiness, maybe?


Ken and I watched Blue Valentine on the 25th, Tuesday. After watching the movie, I realized the significance of the death of the family dog on the outset. And then. I concluded that it’s really a great movie. The way it was made, the symbolisms, and the cinematography… It’s wonderful. The moment it was finished, you’ll say to yourself that the protagonists were never really meant for each other. It wasn’t really an abrupt tearjerker, but it is really depressing in the sense that it hits you head-on saying that happy endings are not for everyone. I can’t believe I’m saying this. Haha. I admit that I’m a hopeless romantic and that I tend to be idealistic and realistic at the same time. Hmn… There’s this fine line, between the two, actually. Haha. So anyway. The movie is really sad. Although at the beginning, it seemed like Dean and Cindy were crazy in love with each other, it would be obvious later on that Cindy was actually falling out of love with Dean. Maybe she realized something when she bumped into her exLove at the convenient store. Or the unloving feeling was starting to creep in already long before that. I dunno. Uhm. Wait. Do I really want to discuss the movie here? Haha. I have to watch it again to fully grasp what it was really trying to say, though.


I just figured this out for like, seconds ago. And it’s kinda funny. And I’m not sure if I really wanna share it here. Haha. Pero it’s as if someone that was linked with me is associated with someone who was linked with you. Hahaha. Yay, talk about vagueness ;) So anyway. It kinda felt like the actual connection actually occurred simultaneously. Am not sure, though. Hehe. But I find it really awesome. Haha. It’s a small world, indeed.


Every time I listen to good music,
it makes me feel like life is really worth living.
It makes living worthwhile.
Every time I listen to good music,
I thank God that I’m alive.
I just sit beside the window
and look over the horizon
and watch as life unfolds outside me.
Life outside myself.
I see life evolving, gradually changing.
And I am always fond of listening to life’s melody.
Wherein my part is to make my own lyrics
It’s changing every minute
and I don’t wanna be left behind.
It’s just that I’m better off as an observer.
It’s nice if I can dance subtly to life’s music.
I wish it’s that easy; to just go with the flow.
Because when that happens,
I know you’ll be there
guiding me in every step, holding my hand.


I can’t seem to talk about heartbreaks. Because mine isn’t broken today. Haha. But. I’ve had my heart broken and I know the feeling. Sobra. It is engraved on my bones already. I was an expert on heartbreaks in the sense that I am so acquainted with it. We were like roommates before. It isn’t something that gets lost once every little piece was mended. Being broken hearted sorta kinda feels like home. You know you’ve been there before. You’ll have this familiar feeling that is just so depressing there will be no more tears left to cry. It’s so damn painful. It is recurring. The hurt hurts like hurt. It burns. I don’t wanna be broken hearted anymore. I can actually relive the feeling and it still makes me sad up to now. I just can’t live with that feeling anymore. I can compare it to some roommate that I wouldn’t want to see ever again by the end of the semester. Something like that. Although we know each other well, we just won’t be able to get along properly ever. Sucks.


I need to stop now. I’m not making sense. Haha. Anyway. The blog entries on my page on the Live Journal community don’t actually have titles. And I edited the entries there a while ago. I got it organized. Yipeee! You might want to check them out HERE! :D Hehe. I’m proud of my writings there although the main theme was actually melancholic/depressing/wrist-slashing. I seem to write more poetically when I am actually down. And I need to change that. I want to be able to write magically when I am ecstatic, too.

Saturday, 29 January 2011

Sleeping. Dreaming. Waking.

Times like this, when I actually enjoy what I’m doing, whether it’s watching an amazing movie or TV show or reading something interesting or procrastinating over an assignment, I kind of wish that sleeping shouldn’t have been a necessity.

Whoa wait. Of course I love sleep. It’s included in my list of my favourite things in the world. In fact, it’s second to hanging out with my favourite people, which is in number one. I love sleeping so much that it’s my favorite escape too. And that I could almost spend a whole day without getting up from the bed. See.

But sometimes, when I think a day isn’t enough to make me do everything I wanna do, I can’t help but wish that sleep is not as important as eating. Or breathing. Sleep is my lover, alright. And it really pains me to say that it shouldn’t exist at all. A lot of beautiful stuff happens during sleep eh. On the other hand though, you kind of miss some events that could only happen during your waking life.

Then again, as soon as I tell myself that sleep shouldn’t exist at all, I am reminded of dreaming. And all the good things that comes with it. I remember during my first years in college how much I get excited to go to bed (because I don’t have nightlife yet) and be surprised by whatever dream comes to me. I want to sleep as soon as possible just to dream. Every night I wonder what kind of dream I’d get. I even start “daydreaming” just to invoke the things I want to dream about. Yes, sometimes it happens. What I wanna dream, I dream of. However, the ending I want doesn’t always happen. Maybe that’s just how the mind plays its trick. You think so too? :P

(This is a reblog. This entry was first published on June13.2010)

Sunday, 9 January 2011


A ballet dancer wins the lead in "Swan Lake" and is perfect for the role of the delicate White Swan, but slowly loses her mind as she becomes more and more like the evil twin sister of the White Swan, the Black Swan. (


The Occult Interpretation of the Movie “Black Swan” and Its Message on Show Business

By VC | January 15th, 2011 | Category: Featured Posts, Movies and TV |

“Black Swan” is an intense psychological thriller describing a ballet dancer’s metamorphosis into the “Black Swan”. Behind the movie’s freaky facade lies a profound commentary on the cost of fame, the sacrifice of artists and the hidden forces behind the shady world of high-stakes entertainment. We will look at the occult symbolism of the movie and its themes relating to the dark side of show business.

Directed by Darren Aronofsky, Black Swan follows shy ballet dancer Nina along her path to success in the demanding world of professional ballet. Through the use of meanings and symbols, however, the movie clearly alludes to many issues previously discussed on The Vigilant Citizen: the dark and occult side of fame, duality, trauma-based mind control, the forced creation of an alter persona and more. The main character, Nina, goes through a metaphysical change – by getting in touch with her “dark side” - in order to become a better performer. This change is imposed on Nina by her “handler”, in this case, her ballet director. The movie uses subtle references to trauma-based mind control to explain the creation of an independent alter-person in Nina’s psyche.

Although Black Swan is fiction, it nevertheless explores hidden realities of high-stakes art and performance. There are numerous examples of artists who have embraced darker alter egos to take their art to “another level” … and many who ultimately are consumed by them. We will look at the occult and mind-control elements of Black Swan and see how they relate to some of the realities of the world of professional entertainment.