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Sunday, 30 January 2011

On Heartbreaks and Shooting Stars

This looks like a promising title that’s why I decided to write something out of it, to no avail. So, bahala na. Kung anuano na lang. Hello, random thoughts. Hehe. I just can’t think of anything insightful to write about. Haha. Tama nang pagpapanggap. Anak ng.

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I won’t be able to forget the first time that I had seen a shooting star. It was in Baguio City and my friends and I were on our way to JR’s boarding house. The road was downhill so you’d be able to get a good view of the sky. There was really nothing to block the view so the sky looked really vast. The night sky was cloudless and the constellations were really amazing that I am betting on my life that it was one of the most spectacular view I had ever seen. We knew it was the meteor shower season, so on our way to JR’s, we were desperately waiting for something to fall from the sky. We were walking with our heads in the clouds. After some time, my friends were restlessly chatting so they didn’t notice when something did fall. But I did! Ohyeah, I did. It was a shooting star! And I was so happy about it. It was the first time. And first times are unforgettable. Aren’t they? *wink* I remember wishing on it. But I can’t remember what I wished for. Haha. Happiness, maybe?

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Ken and I watched Blue Valentine on the 25th, Tuesday. After watching the movie, I realized the significance of the death of the family dog on the outset. And then. I concluded that it’s really a great movie. The way it was made, the symbolisms, and the cinematography… It’s wonderful. The moment it was finished, you’ll say to yourself that the protagonists were never really meant for each other. It wasn’t really an abrupt tearjerker, but it is really depressing in the sense that it hits you head-on saying that happy endings are not for everyone. I can’t believe I’m saying this. Haha. I admit that I’m a hopeless romantic and that I tend to be idealistic and realistic at the same time. Hmn… There’s this fine line, between the two, actually. Haha. So anyway. The movie is really sad. Although at the beginning, it seemed like Dean and Cindy were crazy in love with each other, it would be obvious later on that Cindy was actually falling out of love with Dean. Maybe she realized something when she bumped into her exLove at the convenient store. Or the unloving feeling was starting to creep in already long before that. I dunno. Uhm. Wait. Do I really want to discuss the movie here? Haha. I have to watch it again to fully grasp what it was really trying to say, though.

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I just figured this out for like, seconds ago. And it’s kinda funny. And I’m not sure if I really wanna share it here. Haha. Pero it’s as if someone that was linked with me is associated with someone who was linked with you. Hahaha. Yay, talk about vagueness ;) So anyway. It kinda felt like the actual connection actually occurred simultaneously. Am not sure, though. Hehe. But I find it really awesome. Haha. It’s a small world, indeed.

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Every time I listen to good music,
it makes me feel like life is really worth living.
It makes living worthwhile.
Every time I listen to good music,
I thank God that I’m alive.
I just sit beside the window
and look over the horizon
and watch as life unfolds outside me.
Life outside myself.
I see life evolving, gradually changing.
And I am always fond of listening to life’s melody.
Wherein my part is to make my own lyrics
It’s changing every minute
and I don’t wanna be left behind.
It’s just that I’m better off as an observer.
It’s nice if I can dance subtly to life’s music.
I wish it’s that easy; to just go with the flow.
Because when that happens,
I know you’ll be there
guiding me in every step, holding my hand.

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I can’t seem to talk about heartbreaks. Because mine isn’t broken today. Haha. But. I’ve had my heart broken and I know the feeling. Sobra. It is engraved on my bones already. I was an expert on heartbreaks in the sense that I am so acquainted with it. We were like roommates before. It isn’t something that gets lost once every little piece was mended. Being broken hearted sorta kinda feels like home. You know you’ve been there before. You’ll have this familiar feeling that is just so depressing there will be no more tears left to cry. It’s so damn painful. It is recurring. The hurt hurts like hurt. It burns. I don’t wanna be broken hearted anymore. I can actually relive the feeling and it still makes me sad up to now. I just can’t live with that feeling anymore. I can compare it to some roommate that I wouldn’t want to see ever again by the end of the semester. Something like that. Although we know each other well, we just won’t be able to get along properly ever. Sucks.

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I need to stop now. I’m not making sense. Haha. Anyway. The blog entries on my page on the Live Journal community don’t actually have titles. And I edited the entries there a while ago. I got it organized. Yipeee! You might want to check them out HERE! :D Hehe. I’m proud of my writings there although the main theme was actually melancholic/depressing/wrist-slashing. I seem to write more poetically when I am actually down. And I need to change that. I want to be able to write magically when I am ecstatic, too.

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