When he’s accusing me of staring at someone, I defend myself by saying that it’s okay, no harm done. He’s still (and will always be) the person I love. True fact. I sometimes use excuses like; I’m just looking at his cool shirt/piercings/tattoos, blah, blah, blah. And in reality, I really am just looking at those things. It just happened that the owner of these things is handsome. Hihi. He uses those excuses, too.
So… There. I don’t deny staring... But he does. I might be wrong, okay. He tells me that he’s not checking out the hot girls on the parking lot, he was just wondering why they were running or something. And that no, he’s not looking at the girl-on-the-jeep’s flawless legs, he was looking at her necklace. But since when were necklaces worn around the thighs? Weird. Right.
I know that I can’t be a hundred percent sure that he was staring since he won’t admit it. But why would he? I’m totally lost here. My mind doesn’t want to clear destructive thoughts that lurk. All I’m saying is that it’s okay to stare. I won’t die if he did. It might make me a little insecure but I’m still the one he would be kissing later, right?
Personally… I would never be able to defend myself as to why I look at other people. Because it might also seem like I was looking at them but in my head, I am not looking, like, looking at them. And I am not and will never be fantasizing about them, alright. My eyes might be on them but my mind’s not. Like when you’re “nakatulala,” you’re just absent-mindedly staring into space. I might be looking but whose waist were my arms wrapped around, anyway?
I am so full of contradictions. I don’t even understand myself.
And I dunno how to conclude this post. We would forever be arguing about this issue, I’m sure.
(I kinda feel like I shouldn't have posted this...)