Sunday, 4 September 2011

Could I Just Be Heartless?

Emotions aren’t actually felt with the heart, including love. I’ve read somewhere that Love is just being associated with this shape: because when we’re hurt, it feels like it is breaking. We’d have a tight, stabbing feeling in our chest, making us feel like our heart’s hurting. It’s such an unbearable, uncomfortable pain that our brain would start yelling “I told you so.” It hurts once again. Why do I never listen to my brain? *SIGH* With this chest pain, maybe it’s really our heart that’s breaking. Even if the amygdala that controls our emotions is located at the brain… Plus. It wouldn’t look really appealing if we use a symbol of the brain to say “I love you.” Like, I [insert picture of brain here] YOU. It wouldn’t look as cute as I YOU. Agree?

All this heart talk because I kinda feel like my heart’s breaking tonight. I feel used, unloved, consumed, uncared for, and being lied to. By the people I love. Or is it just me? And. But. I don’t wanna feel these feelings tonight. Or ever. I wish I could take my heart out, keep it in a metal vault, and hide it in a dark, cold place where no one would be able to find it. I just don’t wanna deal with my heartache right now. Whatever its cause is… I wanna detach to some things. I keep on looking for a distraction. I just couldn’t find it.

I don’t know what’s happening to my life right now. I feel like it’s starting to be unfixable. I hate the things that are starting to become routine. I call them routine because I don’t really enjoy doing them. Quarrels, for example. It’s starting to be a habit... Us. Fighting. It’s been a fucking bitch that lurks around the corner… Hiding itself behind a lamppost down the street. Watching our every move. Ready to attack whenever it finds a crack. Such a bitch that’s starting to shake this foundation. *SIGH*

I’m fucking tired. Do you care.

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