Sunday, 22 April 2012

19th: A Certain Kind of Romance

I love you. But.

You bring out the worst in me. I’ve never been so angry with a person more than I ever was with you.  I could be so angry with you I could feel my hands tremble and my whole body shake. You make me think of, scream of, and come up with different kinds of cuss words I never even knew existed. You make me wanna die, so to speak. I often think of slapping you repeatedly on each cheek to unleash the darkness that’s in you when we argue. I wonder why you can’t just hold me and fill my face with kisses. Not that kisses and sweet words could instantly fix everything… But that’s a start. And you know what, you’re getting good at that as the days, weeks, and months pass.

You challenge how I view life. And love, especially. You help me see what’s real and what’s not even if that means grabbing me by the neck and pushing my face to the ground. (Exaggerated, fine.) You teach me lessons the hard way. And being my rebellious self, they’re really kinda hard for me to take. That’s why I don’t budge most of the time, but hey you already know that.

You make me wanna shake you until you faint, yet make sure that my kiss would still be the magic that would wake you up.

I know love isn’t just rainbows and butterflies… It’s more like heavy rainstorms and boogeyman. I know this is gonna be hard. With love comes hate. And pain, misery, anger, jealousy, etc. But there’s more to it than that, I know. And love will always, always, surpass them all.

This relationship’s been a fucking pain in the ass, lately… But.

But. I love you.

And we’re not just arguments and miscommunication. We are still one and we still possess and share something that only the two of us could ever comprehend. We might not make sense in other people’s perceptions but we don’t give a rat's ass. And if a time comes that it’d just be you and me against the world, then so be it. We know we’re ready for that.

You pull me up when I’m down, raise me up when I’m beaten, and clean up my spirit when it’s tattered. As cliché as it seems, you make me wanna be the best possible version of myself.

You see, I don’t go out prowling anymore. I now instantly wash the dishes without my mom asking me to. I clean every little mess in the house thinking that if you were me, you’d even do that gladly. You force me to look ahead in my future and picture a better life. For us, of course. And you know what, Ken; you’re the only person that could ever trigger that side of me. As small as they are, these deeds (and more) are changing me for the better. For you...

I liked living life one day at a time, disregarding where I might see myself when morning comes. But your love changed that. I realized I can enjoy every minute of my day with accordance to what I wanna achieve in the future (with you). You give me a positive outlook about what’s ahead. And that was something I often viewed only with glances saying to myself that I’m not yet ready for it. But as of now, I’m already looking forward to that dazzling life with you. It doesn’t even have to be dazzling. I know life with you is all I need. And as long as it’s with you, it’s gonna be amazing.

But I don’t just love you, Ken… I love you so much that the words I love you don’t and would never ever give justice to the immensity of this supreme feeling I feel for you.

It takes love, you, and me to stay together. Always and forever. As cheesy as this whole post sounds, I won’t let anything take you away from me. We’ve been through a lot in the past 19months and I won’t just let anything take this away; THIS being my whole life and love and self.

You have me in you as much as I have you in me. I live for US. I don’t care how destructive that might sound. I know it creates wonders in me as well. I’m sure I could only be happy in your arms. You are all I need and you’re exactly everything I would always want and have right now. And that actually makes me so blessed. What more could I ask for?

I know I couldn’t judge how you deal with me because only you know me best. And I don’t know if I could even deal with me if I weren’t me. So I very much admire and praise you for that.

We’re in this journey together and like all roller coaster rides, we will always have ups and downs, screaming and cursing, fear and excitements… But the best part about this ride is that YOU&I are together. And you could always hold my hand for as long as you want to.

I have so much to thank you for, Ken. But right now, let me just say THANK YOU for the most important matter… You.  Thank you so much for you, my one and only love...

I love you so much, Harold Kevin Legaspi Yoingco. You make me wanna live this wonderful life to the fullest. Happy 1 year and fucking crazy 7 months! There’s more to come so brace yourself… ;) *yaakaaaapp*

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