Thursday, 31 May 2012

Love Makes Me In/Sane + Goodbye, MAYhem!

♥ Super Cheesy Blogpost Alert!  ♥

May is my sexy boyfriend’s birthday month and believe me, it was an insane roller coaster ride!  Not that we went to EK or somewhere else. It’s just that whenever we’re together, some parts of us always, always collides in all possible directions. We can’t seem to merge our individual thoughts and feelings (I mean, who can?) so we always disagree on one too many things about our own mundane life, the relationship we share, and about this cold world of course.

It’s also our 20th month together. We almost broke up twice this month for chrissake. Ooh, the irony... Good thing though that he can never ever resist my sexy body me. Hihi. But! I would never let him go that easy, anyway. I won’t. I don’t want to. Never.

Compromise. Ken taught me that this word is one of the most important factors in keeping a relationship whole. I know deep in my heart that I already know this, so compromising wouldn’t be a huge deal since we’d always want the things that would make each other happy.

Being happy with the person I love is one of my top priorities (if not the ONLY one). But of course he has to be happy with me, too. When he’s happy, I’m happy. I just can’t understand how he can be happy hanging out with other people without me. I know, I know… I sound crazy, possessive, obsessive, and super dependent. But who cares? I know how to make my lover happy and no one could tell me otherwise. I know Im the only one he needs and I pride myself in that, really. I need him so much, too! And I have no shame in saying that... *awkward pause* Plus I’m a psycho girlfriend and he’s all mine. So screw you.

Wow, I sure have a lot of issues to deal with. Anyway…

After all our months together, I learned a lot of things.

And might enumerate them soon. Or not. Probably on our second anniversary! No, I don’t think we’d ever ever break up. Never. We’re seriously, honestly, head-over-heels in love with each other, you must be blind not to see that. We might not have a lot of pictures showing us kissing, cuddling, or ogling at each other, but they’re just pictures. And a picture paints a thousand words. Actors can look so in love in pictures without having any romantic relationship whatsoever. ‘Nuff said.

So I learned a lot of things by staying (in love) with the love of my life. And the fact that compromise can’t always be easily executed is one of them. I thought it would be easy. I thought we’d always want the same things. But we don’t. I doubt we’d always want ALL of what the other person wants. Sometimes it’s not just possible. You’d ALWAYS have something in common, though. And that will make your relationship stronger if you use it properly.

Sometimes even if you have the will to do something for your partner, the whole universe just won’t allow you to. There will always have a lot of obstacles in the way. Be it your parents, some other event, money, etc… But the most important thing is that you hold on with each other. You should face your battles together. You can only be either heroes or villains. In whatever case though, you should always fight beside your loved one and not against them.

No matter how much you disagree on some things, a more powerful force will keep you intact. Believe it or not, it’s called Love.

I almost made up my mind that whatever you do, Love isn’t always enough. I know I’ve heard/read it somewhere but since I don’t just believe in anything I hear/read, I know I have to experience it firsthand. And I did. That’s why I thought that it was true. I almost gave up the person I love and imagined what my miserable life would be without him…

But then I realized that I know this person. He’s the only one who knows me so well. He’s basically the reason I get up in the morning and sleep with a stupid-looking smile on my face every night. I love him so much that words or worlds could never amount to how much. My all-knowing-self assured me that we’re meant to spend the rest of our lives together and I can’t just let it slip away just because I was having a bad day, PMS-ing, or just too stupid to care or talk to anyone.
Love is enough. I can make it enough for the both of us, I will. I have so much love inside me. I feel inspiration in its most divine form flowing through my veins. I feel so much love for this person. And even if I don't show it sometimes, I could never let him go. Even if I feel like I have to move on with my life, I could never leave him behind. He’s my life. I love him so much.

Love is everything we’ll ever want it to be.  It destroys or creates. But it’s really up to us to determine the outcome. We just need that one person to stand by us no matter what… Someone who’d whisper in our ears how much they want to spend forever in our arms, lost in our kisses…

Someone like… My sweet, loving boyfriend. But I already told you guys, he’s MINE. So go look for your own. Shoo!

As much as we have a lot of fucking miscommunications and stupid disagreements during this month of mayhem, it would never compare to all the happy moments Ken and I shared. To be honest, during the first week of this month, in the middle of a huge fight, I thought I’d die right there and then. I just can’t lose the guy!

I’m so glad I didn’t. We kissed and made-up big time; fighting’s all part of the past. And even if we can’t really avoid that, I feel more secure about us right now. I trust him more (despite the occasional doubts). And I realized that he’s not perfect but so am I. I also promised him a lot of things and assured him about some issues but I’d just keep it from here. I just really really hope he believes me. I have too much faith in US. We just need to loosen up and enjoy life more. TOGETHER, duh. He's my happily ever after.

And come what may, I’d always be his greatest love. I still am. I’ll always be. See, confidence goes a long way, too. I also know that’s one of the reasons he finds me sexy. Haha!

That’s all for now. Anyway, there’ll be so many posts to come… ;)

Tuesday, 15 May 2012

Pole Dancer by Andrea Gibson

She pole-dances to gospel hymns.
Came out to her family in the middle of Thanksgiving grace.
I knew she was trouble
two years before our first date.
But my heart was a Labrador Retriever
with its head hung out the window of a car
tongue flapping in the wind
on a highway going 95
whenever she walked by.
So I mastered the art of crochet
and I crocheted her a winter scarf
and one night at the bar I gave it to her with a note
that said something like,
I hope this keeps your neck warm.
If it doesn’t give me a call.
The key to finding love
is fucking up the pattern on purpose
is skipping a stitch,
is leaving a tiny, tiny hole to let the cold in
and hoping she mends it with your lips.
This morning I was counting her freckles.
She has five on the left side of her face, seven on the other
and I love her for every speck of trouble she is.
She’s frickin’ awesome.
Like popcorn at a drive-in movie
that neither of us has any intention of watching.
Like Batman and Robin
in a pick-up truck in the front row with the windows steamed up.
Like Pacman in the eighties,
she swallows my ghosts.
Slaps me on my dark side and says,
“Baby, this is the best day ever.”
So I stop listening for the sound of the ocean
in the shells of bullets I hoped missed us
to see there are white flags from the tips of her toes
to her tear ducts
and I can wear her halos as handcuffs
‘cause I don’t wanna be a witness to this life,
I want to be charged and convicted,
ear lifted to her song like a bouquet of yes
because my heart is a parachute that has never opened in time
and I wanna fuck up that pattern,
leave a hole where the cold comes in and fill it every day with her sun,
‘cause anyone who has ever sat in lotus for more than a few seconds
knows it takes a hell of a lot more muscle to stay than to go.
And I want to grow
strong as the last patch of sage on a hillside
stretching towards the lightning.
God has always been an arsonist.
Heaven has always been on fire.
She is a butterfly knife bursting from a cocoon in my belly.
Love is a half moon hanging above Baghdad
promising to one day grow full,
to pull the tides through our desert wounds
and fill every clip of empty shells with the ocean.
Already there is salt on my lips.
Lover, this is not just another poem.
This is my goddamn revolution.
I am done holding my tongue like a bible.
There is too much war in every verse of our silence.
We have all dug too many trenches away from ourselves.
This time I want to melt like a snowman in Georgia,
‘til my smile is a pile of rocks you can pick up
and skip across the lake of your doubts.
Trust me,
I have been practicing my ripple.
I have been breaking into mannequin factories
and pouring my pink heart into their white paint.
I have been painting the night sky upon the inside of doorframes
so only moonshine will fall on your head in the earthquake.
I have been collecting your whispers and your whiplash
and your half-hour-long voice mail messages.
Lover, did you see the sunset tonight?
Did you see Neruda lay down on the horizon?
Do you know it was his lover who painted him red,
who made him stare down the bullet holes
in his country’s heart?
I am not looking for roses.
I want to break like a fever.
I want to break like the Berlin Wall.
I want to break like the clouds
so we can see every fearless star,
how they never speak guardrail,
how they can only say fall.

(Watch her recite this poem HERE ♥)


Andrea Gibson makes me feel something in my heart that I can't explain. It's almost divine, inspiring... Haaaayy. I can't even put the feeling into words. She makes me wanna write poems and read it to the person I love, so intense it would bring us both to tears. I'm in love!