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Friday, 29 June 2012

8 Ways to Destroy a Relationship

1. Be abusive: As well as physical abuse, this includes put-downs, sarcasm, negative comments, withholding affection, stonewalling, refusing to talk, and repeatedly threatening to leave the relationship.

2. Be defensive: Individuals who are always on the defensive are so wrapped up in protecting themselves that they rarely grow in their relationships. They won’t admit that they have faults and so end up committing the same mistakes again and again. This eventually destroys the relationship.

3. Be critical: While there’s a place for the occasional critical remark, if you’re always complaining and pointing out their flaws then you’ll soon undermine your partner’s self-esteem. In all areas of life, a critical person is an unattractive person.

4. Be always right: If you’re always right, the other person’s always wrong – and who wants to feel that they have nothing to contribute, or their point of view is stupid, unwanted and wrong.

5. Be narcissistic and selfish: The person who always has to have their own way, or who’s only interested in their own needs and desire has little to add to a relationship.

6. Be dishonest: Trust is at the heart of all good relationships. If you can’t be real and honest, or are not dependable, then there’s no foundation for a strong relationship. This includes being unfaithful or hiding the whole truth.

7. Be superior: If you’re quick to judge others or to put people down, or you think that you are better than everybody else (more intelligent, prettier, cooler etc) then you’re setting yourself up for a lifetime of heartache. For although we all have strengths, and we may excel at times, each person is unique and is worthy of respect.

8. Be controlling: A relationship’s a gift. That person’s not your property. They’re allowed to be themselves, with their own views and beliefs. They don’t answer to you; they don’t have to change themselves; they’re autonomous and free – they’re not there to be controlled.


Source  (via Tumblr)


I can't believe we're trying to destroy our relationship. Wow.

Wednesday, 6 June 2012

Words

by Anne Sexton

Be careful of words,
even the miraculous ones.
For the miraculous we do our best,
sometimes they swarm like insects
and leave not a sting but a kiss.
They can be as good as fingers.
They can be as trusty as the rock
you stick your bottom on.
But they can be both daisies and bruises.
Yet I am in love with words.
They are doves falling out of the ceiling.
They are six holy oranges sitting in my lap.
They are the trees, the legs of summer,
and the sun, its passionate face.
Yet often they fail me.
I have so much I want to say,
so many stories, images, proverbs, etc.
But the words aren't good enough,
the wrong ones kiss me.
Sometimes I fly like an eagle
but with the wings of a wren.
But I try to take care
and be gentle to them.
Words and eggs must be handled with care.
Once broken they are impossible
things to repair.

Saturday, 2 June 2012

Kahlil Gibran On Love

Then said Almitra, "Speak to us of Love." 
      And he raised his head and looked upon the people, and there fell a stillness upon them. And with a great voice he said:
      When love beckons to you follow him,
      Though his ways are hard and steep.
      And when his wings enfold you yield to him,
      Though the sword hidden among his pinions may wound you. And when he speaks to you believe in him,
      Though his voice may shatter your dreams as the north wind lays waste the garden.
      For even as love crowns you so shall he crucify you. Even as he is for your growth so is he for your pruning.
      Even as he ascends to your height and caresses your tenderest branches that quiver in the sun,
      So shall he descend to your roots and shake them in their clinging to the earth. Like sheaves of corn he gathers you unto himself.
      He threshes you to make you naked.
      He sifts you to free you from your husks.
      He grinds you to whiteness.
      He kneads you until you are pliant;
      And then he assigns you to his sacred fire, that you may become sacred bread for God's sacred feast.
      All these things shall love do unto you that you may know the secrets of your heart, and in that knowledge become a fragment of Life's heart.
      But if in your fear you would seek only love's peace and love's pleasure,
      Then it is better for you that you cover your nakedness and pass out of love's threshing-floor,
      Into the seasonless world where you shall laugh, but not all of your laughter, and weep, but not all of your tears.
      Love gives naught but itself and takes naught but from itself.
      Love possesses not nor would it be possessed; For love is sufficient unto love. When you love you should not say, "God is in my heart," but rather, I am in the heart of God."
      And think not you can direct the course of love, if it finds you worthy, directs your course.
      Love has no other desire but to fulfil itself.
      But if you love and must needs have desires, let these be your desires:
      To melt and be like a running brook that sings its melody to the night.
      To know the pain of too much tenderness.
      To be wounded by your own understanding of love;
      And to bleed willingly and joyfully.
      To wake at dawn with a winged heart and give thanks for another day of loving;
      To rest at the noon hour and meditate love's ecstasy;
      To return home at eventide with gratitude;
      And then to sleep with a prayer for the beloved in your heart and a song of praise upon your lips. 

****

I remember reading The Prophet and feeling so saint-like and very enlightened. It was like I already have a great and honest view of life which makes me wanna live each day like I've already uncovered life's mysteries, like I already know everything so no one could ever bullshit me. And that no matter how many burdens I'd take, I'd definitely overcome them because of this so-called knowledge that I got from the book.

But then somewhere in the past I kinda lost it. Plus, reading doesn't necessarily make you bullet-proof. And experience really is the best teacher. No one should base their lives on books. Though it's always, always vital to feed our minds. Books are treasures. And writers, prophets. Not all but most of them, of course. 

Maybe I should read it again? Hey, I definitely would! I love Kahlil Gibran.