Friday, 10 April 2015

Kaela's Special Fall

On Easter Sunday, Kaela was pushed by an 11 year old special child. I witnessed the whole thing and I just sat there. There’s probably something wrong with my reflex when it comes to some accidents. I suck.

Kaela and I were at the boy’s living area when he suddenly went down the stairs (from his room probably).There was only the three of us there. The boy’s parent and the other guests and helpers were upstairs or outside. I said hi because I wanted to ask him about his paintings. He undeniably has talent. He didn’t say anything but just looked at me and then at Kaela. I was just staring at him, observing how he’d react to my daughter. I was kind of confident he wouldn’t hurt Kaela, but at the same time, something’s telling me I should approach my daughter and protect her.

I didn’t want to assume anything bad. After all, my cousin is also a special child and he’s nice to people or he just leaves them alone. I’ve also dealt with people with autism and I’ve never met anyone who hurts people on purpose. Maybe I’m just really clueless. I don’t know a lot about these things. I don’t want to assume I know something too. I don’t want to discriminate and all. They will always have a special place in my heart.

(Dang, I don’t even know how to write this piece without offending anyone.)

So I just sat there in front of them, approximately four to five feet away. I looked at Kaela being amused that there’s a kid in the house. (She loves playing with them and calls every child baby; no matter how older they are than her.) I swear her eyes were so wide with wonder and excitement that finally she’d be able to play with someone other than me. The boy approached Kaela and stood in front of her then just pushed her on the chest. Just like that.

I saw the entire thing. It was like a fucking slow motion movie. They were standing in front of each other and then he pushed her. She fell down on her butt first, managed to spread her arms for support and then her head hit the goddamn floor. It’s such a fucking good thing the impact wasn’t that strong so she didn’t injure her head and there was no bump whatsoever. But she cried so loud, it was heartbreaking. I felt like a fucking failure.

I think she cried because someone she probably thought she could trust hurt her. She wasn’t expecting that from a “baby.” I felt like I betrayed her. I was supposed to protect her but I failed because I didn’t trust my motherly instinct.

Of course the moment Kaela fell down and started crying I went to her then carried her from the floor and comforted her. I felt so bad I wanted to cry too. I felt like an incompetent parent. I couldn’t even scold or punish the boy who immediately ran to the kitchen with his hands covering his ears. I had no one to be mad at but myself. I can’t even blame the boy who probably didn’t know the extent and consequences of what he did.

LESSON: Never ever leave your daughter’s side. I really have a lot to learn about being a parent and a decent human being in this world. I guess I could also say that one should never ever assume that there won’t be any danger to your child, even when you think they’re in a safe place. 

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